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Being taught how to feel in songs

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Songs, people, and events teach us how to feel about some things and what we should  have feelings about. Whether or not we realize it, the songs that we sang or heard "growing up in church" brought an emotional reaction or response.  It is possible we did not realize those feelings were fully imported into us, along with any truth or passing idea that we accepted as truth from the song. Think about it -- when you hear some songs, you have an internal response to them - or maybe better said, a lot of people have an emotional, internal response - sometimes powerfully so and sometimes far beyond a worship gathering. ______________ Amazing Grace. I Need The Every Hour. I Can Only Imagine. It Is Well With My Soul. How Great Thou Art. Jesus Is Lord. The Old Rugged Cross. I'll Fly Away. Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee. Blessed Assurance. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot. You could add your own and probably make a long list if you grew up going to church. _______________ When we're e...
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Deconstruction and rebuilding in abstract

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It's hard to nail jello to the wall and expect it to last.  It's just as hard to nail down "I'm finished" when it comes to the process of going through deconstruction and rebuilding.  In fact, it's not even a thing.  There is no "finished".  And that's not the worst thing in the world. One of the things you leave behind with some deconstruction is the idea of certainty. In fact, uncertainty is usually what starts deconstruction and it opens the door to the certainty of how few things are certain. The awareness that you were once in a reality that promised certainty but now "isn't" is deconstruction. Rebuilding means choosing a direction, uncertain as it is, and moving into the creation of a new way of thinking and interacting with life.  It is done with the awareness of how fragile and fictional so many things are, but that they can become strong and real as you step into them with that awareness. It is probably one of the last fron...
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Empathy cuts both ways

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People should have empathy.  The ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes and see from their point of view is important. For those who want to be compassionate, fair, and helpful to those in who are in need, have been abused, and/or both, empathy is necessary. While empathy can be a valuable tool to help people to see and fight against injustice, it can easily be used against those same people. People are trained to turn to hear the dog whistle of a sad song, a heartbreaking picture, or some outrageous story that is told as true - even if it's all manufactured or distorted. It doesn't take watching many of those street interviews to see it unfold. People are asked some fairly basic questions and are unable to explain their point of view, answer a simple question, or provide some basis for an argument they say they are for or against. A lot of people are "for" helping certain groups of people, but have zero connection to anyone in those groups. They just lik...
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It's not completely a coincidence

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Yes, sometimes things do “line up” just right and seem like a message or an attempt to influence you.  That’s just the nature of sales and campaigns of all sorts.  Whether it’s a politician, new taco, skin care product, or movie, when you see it talked about or you feel the need to have an opinion, that’s a planned thing. In cultures like ours, the media is constantly driving products and ideas, and so it is not unusual when there are “pressure point times” – critical moments when people or groups use a variety of messaging and placements of stories and ideas to move people. Like a sheep dog knows and/or is trained to move around a flock, a pair of sheep, or even an individual sheep to move the whole flock, different collections of people in our culture and world want to have influence and do a variety of things on different scales or levels to make that influence happen. This includes straight up advertisements, the careful selection of news stories to promote and p...
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Born this way

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In a sense, Lady Gaga was right. We might not have all our flavors baked in at first, but as we grow in our first few years, we certainly pick up a lot things that shape how we see, feel, and think. If raised in a home filled with tension and conflict, you learn to be on edge - living in fear and in defense mode all the time. If that is extended into school, work, or other environments, you just live that way.  Vice versa, if you grow up in a peaceful, reassuring environment with teachers, friends, and all the people you're around normally being encouraging, etc, you'll have more confidence and less defensiveness. Or to use a different dynamic, you can grow up dreading work and prefer relaxing and doing less physically demanding things. Or vice versa - you might dislike sitting still and not being busy. You can make a long list of different kinds of variables a person can experience growing up that make them feel "born this way" as their life unfolds and they develop ...
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Blessed be the tie that binds...

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One of my favorite songs "in church" when growing up was "Blessed be the tie that binds..." .  The song goes on to say, "...our hearts in Christian love. The fellowship of kindred minds is like to that above". It was usually a closing song and usually, in my experience, was sung during an evening service or as part of the Wednesday night class devotional. It's still a good song and I have fond memories of it.  Haven't sung it in years and can't remember the last time I was in a church gathering where it was sung. It really does say what a lot of people feel and think about "church" - that it is (or can be) a very tight collection of people who are deeply bonded together over shared beliefs, feelings, and actions.   You really cannot understate the bond that exists in some church groups. There's an emotional attachment that comes with helping each other through life - the good and the bad - over a long period of time. Family is the...
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What it looks like from the outside in

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I've found that a lot of people who want to understand those who are deconstructing only understand  it if you "come at them" with how they are seen as "the church".  At least initially.  For some, it's a wake up to find out that it's not just people deciding to "go off and sin" or "become atheists.   So here's a little of that. For those in a church - you have or find a comfy place there where God is accessible in some way.  There’s a somewhat understandable way things are done, and the general point is easy to follow - you show up, be part of the group, contribute, and be supportive. The idea that God might have had something else in mind is unthinkable. "What else could there be?  Church has been like this since the 1st century, hasn’t it?  What else could God have possibly have intended?" The church is a closed system. If you want in, you join it - if you weren't born into it. You follow its rules and norms. Tru...
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