The pursuit of happiness

Most everyone wants to be happy. But many are taught happiness comes when you get to a certain goal or accomplishment in life, so happiness is always "out there, someday".

In the meanwhile, people try to sneak a little "me time" here and there. Maybe at work they take a longer break or just don't do anything for a while. Maybe instead of listening in class, they daydream.

For a lot of reasons, we learn not to enjoy the journey we are on.  We don't enjoy the work we're doing or the studying we're supposed to be doing. 

Happiness becomes something that is only achieved when we're gaming the system we're in for a little bit of personal choice and fun.  And, very importantly, when we're not doing what we're supposed to do.

That's a little bit of an overstatement but it's generally true in our culture.

Many decades ago, people were happy when they could find work to do that paid them so they could have a place to stay, food to eat, and something to call their own.

And then life got easier.

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Technology made hard, time consuming tasks much faster and easier.  It was speculated that we would have many fewer hours of work and much more leisure time in the future.

That was attractive when leisure time was somewhat less complicated.  It used to be sitting on the porch and talking with a neighbor or relative.  Maybe working on a project or hobby.  Reading a book or going to an event or activity.

Community and family usually set the stage or the context in which people did things, made choices, and thought about life.

As time went by, instead of using the benefits of technology to increase our use of leisure time, something shifted and we ended up getting busier, more fragmented and distant from each other, and less happy.

Again, an overstatement and a huge compression of a lot of complicated history, but generally true.

The bar has been raised.  To be happy now means that we need to have a lot of luxurious items, have them available in increasing quality and quantity, and to have all the time we want to enjoy them individually.

As has been said by many people, the average person, even a relatively "poor person", has the enjoyment of things that the wealthiest and most elite people did not have a century or two ago.  Or 50 years ago.

Not a lot of people these days can imagine life without electricity, clean running water with hot and cold as an option, heated and cooled living spaces, internet access, and junk food.

We have very high expectations.  We'd like everyone to agree with our opinions.  We want unlimited access to everything to make us comfortable, safe, and without suffering - as we define suffering.

The larger story we live in has come to a dead end, culturally speaking.  

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It is not surprising to see people and groups go at each other over how we should be, how we should live. For most, their basic needs are no longer a massive struggle to get met.  And now they're kind of bored.

Gratitude is a struggle because everything is now considered a right. Instead of being grateful for food, shelter, and clothing, it's my right to have it and someone should provide it.  And an iPhone.

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This isn't a complaint about doom and gloom and how everything is falling apart and if we'd only vote for _________ all the time, we'd be better off.

It's more of an acknowledgement that, over time, we don't remember or were not taught context or history that is helpful in understanding where we are today, relative to where we have come from as a species.

Very often, we use the culture and opportunities we've grown up with to work at criticizing and destroying the very culture and opportunities that make our ability to do so possible.

Our new frontier is to be critical of everything and everyone, except for those we think we agree with.  

Our exploration is how we can control other people.

Our worldview is struggle - not against nature, but against those we think are keeping us from what we want and the way we want it.

So, we are highly vulnerable to those who promise us what we want.  We listen to no one higher than those who promise us what we want to hear.  

Our logic is locked into our emotion.  We will hear very little from anyone who challenges us to see outside our own group and its worldview.

This often results in our being oblivious to the abundance of blessings we enjoy everyday.

The sunrise and sunset.

Clouds.

Flowers. 

Squirrels.

Bread.

Colors.

Paper towels.

Transportation.

Family members.

Strangers.

Music.

Communication.

Air.

Water.

Leaves.

Pictures.

Snow.

Sweltering heat.

The ability to grip something.

Chairs.

Corrective lenses/glasses.

And you could make a list that is pages and miles long of things we have been trained to assume will always be there for us and that we could often not know what to do if they weren't available.

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A cultural movement I'd love to see is a movement of gratitude.  

Maybe a year, maybe just even a month, where people don't complain about anything, but instead are grateful for everything.

And if they're not grateful for it, then they stop for a bit, make a note of it, and think about it for a good while.  Ask why it exists, where it came from, and why they think about it the way they do.

In a book entitled, "The Year of Living Biblically" the author did a long experience where he tried to literally do as much from the Bible as possible.  It's full of humorous and crazy things.  Worth a read.

The most interesting thing he reflected on after the year was that gratitude was one thing that actually seemed to be "working" from scripture.

He talked about how he made himself think through even the smallest things and to be mentally grateful for them.  

The car didn't flip over or get into a wreck as I was traveling today.

The stairs I walked up were sturdy and safe.

The shower I had this morning had nice, warm water.

The person who waited on me gave me the food I ordered and correct change.

A squirrel stopped in front of me for a moment and looked my way before moving on.

The sun was nice this afternoon.

My backpack holds my stuff and I can carry things around with me.

And he went on a bit like that in the speech I watched where he summarized his findings.

What was interesting was that he wasn't and probably isn't actually a person of faith or a religious person, but he did end the year of living biblically with an appreciation of how being grateful was such a blessing to how he saw life and felt about it.

So, maybe instead of pursuing happiness, we should think about pursuing gratitude.  

It's not about denying hard things or ignoring pain or when things don't go your way.

It's not about always looking on the bright side of life in a way that denies reality.

It is about choosing who and how you will be.

Learning gratitude over pursuing happiness.

I think it would probably be a revolution, if people did so.

I'm gonna try it.