Two years since the big shift

I created the logo above after a staff member that preceded me in leaving had been “released”.  He was the third person before me to be “released” in those few years before I chose to leave.

Those last few years among the almost 35 that I “was there” were among the most challenging.

Challenging for those among the leaders who remained to make some strong decisions about where things were going. 

Challenging for me as I was wondering less about the direction of that particular congregation and more about what was real and worth investing into.

If you’re not drinking the Kool-aid of a particular part of a church group or if you don’t match up to the favored persons or personality slants of certain collections of individuals, you’re usually set up with a “performance improvement plan” and/or slated to be given the option to “step down” in exchange for some kind of sweet deal/severance package.

Knowing that was where I was headed, I decided to snuff out my own torch after 34 years+ and leave the island.

I had come to believe my voice was no longer heard. My role was relegated to “go do what you are good at” which, for me, was “just go do something that looks helpful and don’t rock the boat - we know where we want to go and you can go with us if you will just ‘go along to get along’”.

For me it was a big “no, thank you”.

As I finished up lunch with a friend/elder on a Tuesday, he said the elder group wanted to meet with me on the Sunday coming up to have me sign an agreement that I was going to “be good”.

When I got home that evening with my wife and told her, she said, “Let’s just quit. We’ve done this enough. I’m done. We are done. Just quit.  Immediately.”

And so, the next day at noon, on the last day of January, I did.

I had no expectation of anything.  I just knew I had to walk away or I was probably going to die or be fired since I couldn’t go on pretending it was “all good”.

After 34+ years, the leaders graciously paid me through the next two months so I could have enough time to get myself going in a different direction.

Thanks guys.

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So, that was a flashpoint - a day, a week that changed everything for me and mine.

I harbor no resentment or ill-will to the past history with the church. 

It had began fading away when my two oldest were finishing up high school and then, more quickly, it was becoming a different place amongst the leadership side of things at the end of COVID.  

It’s just life.  

It’s just business.

It’s nothing personal.

I finally learned church is a business.

I work at leaving it all behind and also at keeping some of the longer lasting relationships that mean something and/or that we have time and energy to maintain.

I am grateful my youngest still enjoys a community there with the youth group and that they are accepting of him.  I now know what it’s like to be a parent of a teen who is a part of a church group that you are not part of and how that feels - after being the youth minister from ‘89 to 2000, that’s an interesting POV.

Not everyone reciprocated over the last couple years and that is 100% understandable. We are all limited by time and resources. 

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My wife and I still unpack this over time.  

We host a group of believers and/or people who are interested in spiritual conversations in our home on Sundays and I am an occasional part of a Thursday night men’s group, and I occasionally meet with other individuals who also know God, here and there. So grateful for that.

I still speak at a few churches, here and there, where God’s Spirit seems to be moving. Not seeking that out, just going where people/the Spirit seems to lead.

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So after all those years, I learned that you don’t know people as well as you think you do.

Some people you’ve known for decades drop you like a hot potato when you’re no longer on the stage or no longer on their PR team.

Some people you thought were friends or even family were that because you were useful for them.

Most people are just “there” for the good things they get “from church” and as soon as you are not part of that equation, you don’t matter.

As a wise social media friend said, “You were leaving behind people you thought were friends, but they were just losing a staff member, and a next staff member took your spot and suddenly you were no one.”

And that’s 💯 okay. People are people. Give the grace you have received. They are you on a different timeline and trajectory. It’s all good.

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I usually bottle up what I think and feel so I can process things and say them in a nice way.

I will still continue doing that. 

As time allows, I’m still working on that whole “deconstruction and rebuilding” book writing - separating out my raw experiences, yet allowing them to inform the process.

I do realize that God works in and through a wide variety of people and groups and believe that is still happening everywhere, even among those I no longer work with.

Maybe a day will come when, like Paul, Barnabas, and Mark, I will see some path to working together in some kind of partnership with those I 💯 chose to no longer work with.

Maybe.

And probably more importantly, I now 💯 see that’s really nothing to worry or think about anymore.  

Processing all that history from “89 until two years ago is probably something that will be part of my family till we all go see Jesus.

In the meantime, we all have much bigger fish to fry, a God much greater to share, and a love much deeper to enjoy.

Peace and goodwill to all.