That poor chair. (Or why do people deconstruct?)

The motivation behind deconstruction and whatever is next

 

"What did that chair ever do to you?!"  

Following up on the previous post - why do people take things apart?  

Continuing on using a chair as an example - we've all probably seen a chair smashed apart in a movie, TV show, or video.  

What is the motivation to deconstruct or demolish a chair?

Usually it's something emotional like anger or rage and the chair is just one of the objects a person picks up to destroy among many as an uncontrolled (?) expression of emotion.  

Or maybe it's an object that is picked up and used to harm some other object or person or thing.

Or perhaps that chair had it coming - it's just always underperformed or perhaps hasn't been carrying its load and you've had enough!

One way or another, deconstruction often has some emotional response as its root - some harm done, some disappointment experienced, some traumatic moment that revealed a previously unseen or unimagined possibility - things like that.

So, basically speaking, why do people deconstruct, pull apart, or seek greater understanding?  It's often to expose something they feel was hidden that needs to be exposed, to point blame, to seek justice - things like that.

Out of an emotional response to some negative event(s) or revelation(s) in their life, people question and/or attack beliefs that were identity shaping and reality forming.  And in case you are jumping ahead and thinking that's a negative judgment of some kind, it's not - give me a bit and you'll see why.

 

True, for some, it’s genuine curiosity – nothing is "wrong" or "off" in life, they want to understand themselves and the world they are in.  Some people genuinely seek the freedom to explore life and reality and they actually do so without an overwhelming fear of retribution, persecution, fear, labeling, etc.  And those instances are more rare than not.

 

For many, if not the vast majority, in my own experience, the start of a deconstruction process in someone's life is a cumulative response to socially uncomfortable situations, pain, suffering, or other forms of hurt or trauma that happened in the context of or adjacent to church, religion, religious people, etc. 

In their mind, life, God, church, and other "big things" are supposed to go or move in a certain way or direction and then...they don't.  

Perhaps it's one or two large instances of things going "not to plan" or not to "God's plan" OR maybe it's the accumulation of many little things going wrong over time.  

Either way, a point is reached at which they can't go on like that anymore - denying what they see or feel or are learning.  

They have to do something about it.

And that's when "the chair" gets all that attention, for better or worse.

 

_____________________________________________________

If you're new to this, you might be wonder what those "bad things" are that might drive a person to deconstruction.  Here's a few general things I've seen, experienced, heard about, etc:

• Church planning, church politics, and relationships that seem a little too greasy and conveniently arranged for predetermined outcomes.

• Teachings about God, salvation, the church, the Bible, certain "sins", or other important things that always leave you in the hole and never at peace with God.

• Seeing "church relationships" or groups actually mirroring the negative aspects of relationships or groups in just about any other social environment (high school, work, community) and being told "that's just the way things are" or "don't take it personally" or "I guess this just isn't the place for you."

• The feeling of being used for your time, money, or talents by a church group and told your that you are loved and appreciated, but getting the sense that the the feeling of love and appreciation for you wanes in proportion to the changes in how much time, money, or talent you can give "to the church".

• The sense that "all this church stuff" seems so off base from what you see about God's heart in scripture - that the problems in your own life or in the life of the people around you don't seem to be of concern or interest to the time and direction of "the church" - that you need to reorient your life to fit what the church is doing and be interested in what the church is doing.

And of course the list could go on.  And you might have seen, heard, or experienced things like that OR have heard others mention things like that.  And that is a general list, not my personal list - just things I've bunched together from many people.

___________________________________________________

And, again, if you're new to this, you might be thinking "Well there's hypocrites everywhere. God just wants us to do our best and be forgiving. Why can't people just go along to get along?  Church isn't about me and you, it's about worshipping God!  It sounds to me like someone is thinking too much about themselves."  

Or other things like that.  And I get that.  I used to think and say things like that, especially when other people complained about something that would impact me or what I was doing in ministry.  

There is validity in pushing back against and/or helping people think through what they're complaining about.  Some people like to complain and need to be called on it - 100%.

BUT there are also too many times when those kinds of "push back" comments are used to silence people, categorize, and stereotype - usually for the purpose of writing them off.

We'll get to what a healthy balance might look like later.  Just want to acknowledge that there are "sides" to this dynamic and one side isn't automatically superior to the other.

____________________________________________________

Regardless of the initial motivation in starting to deconstruct, the things we bring to the process shape many directions we take inside the process – our baggage as it were – education, politics, gender or sexuality, identity based on race or ethnicity, etc – all those and more shape where we begin, the definitions we use, and the eventual conclusions we come to.

We'll get to some of that soon, but for now, we'll likely look more closely at taking apart that "chair".

And for those who might be deciding this ends badly, know there is great hope and that sometimes it takes a healthy pruning to get to a place of growth never thought possible or never imagined.