You know the Baptists are our brethren, we just can't tell them that.

"You know the Baptists are our brethren, we just can't tell them that."

I sat a little stunned in the church office, slightly nodding and smiling in puzzled agreement, wondering if the statement was "a trap" to see how me and the secretary would respond. 

I was still in my early 20's, fresh from Christian college, still minding my P's and Q's so as to say and do things "just right" and keep on making a good impression and weekly church salary. 

One of our long time, oldest, and most respected elders had just casually dropped a statement that I never dreamed would be made.  

And it wasn't like he was trying to be funny - he was being genuine and caring in what he said. 

Somehow, he and the church's secretary had gotten into a casual, yet deep conversation about church, sharing faith, and the people "out there" who weren't from our tribe - and then he dropped that truth bomb, right there in the office.

Someone else came in to the room and the conversation changed and he never finished up or followed up on the thought, but it was one of those formative moments - you know, a time that made a huge, lasting impression on how you see everything - and it began a lot of wondering and mental wandering.

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If all you have is a hammer, then all the world is a nail.

Regardless of the initial motivation in starting to deconstruct, the things we bring to the process shape many directions we take inside the process.

In other words, the baggage and/or the set of tools we bring at the start of the trip can and will shape where we go, what we do, etc.  

Things like the education we've had so far, the politics we feel good about, our gender or sexuality and thus a very specific part of how we see the world, the identity we have based on our birth location, race, or ethnicity, etc – all those and more shape where we begin, the definitions we use, and the eventual conclusions we come to.

When the gentle old elder made that statement about the Baptists being our brethren, my worldview or baggage that I brought to the moment I heard his words was "For the most part, only the people from our tribe of churches are those who are acceptable to God and everyone else is lost and going to hell".

Suddenly, a major foundation piece of my worldview was shaken.  What I was brought up to believe was revealed to have a possibly different way of being interpreted.  

I now questioned what baggage, what collection of tools I'd brought with me on this trip in life.

I didn't know yet what that might mean for things going forward, but it did shake out some other questions that were of great importance to me, at the time.

• Does that mean they are brethren but they are "imperfect brethren" in the sense that we need to let them think they are on the outs with God until they get their act together and do/think like us?

• Does that mean we are lying to people or at least being deceptive with people in an attempt to manipulate them through fear to "join our team"?

• What specifically is it about them that they need to change?  How they worship?  What they believe about salvation?  The name of their church?

• Are there things that WE do that people out there can see us doing and then they have a similar thought about us?  That WE are off on some things and just as wonky to them as they are to us?

I don't meant to suggest that this one conversation with the elder was THE moment that everything changed, but it was one of the pivotal moments because of who it was who said "that thing".  Plenty of other people "in the church" could have said the same thing and I would have blown it off as nothing.

But when a significant leader said those words, it was enough to shove the sizable stack of bovine fecal matter that had been accumulating, right into the running fan.

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And that's just AN example of a situation in which what I'd brought into the moment shaped how I responded to the moment, shaped the next questions I had, and set me up for next interactions I'd eventually have with other people and situations.

Deconstruction is usually a very personal thing, even though the many who go through it get together and compare notes, find common ground, and act like they're on the same, new team, it starts off very personally, for many.

I come from a specific religious tribe with very specific beliefs about God, the Bible, church, life, and so on.  That was/is some of my baggage and my set of tools with which to work with inside of the worldview I grew up inside.

Other people will have their own baggage - their own set of background variables they are working with that will shape what they do in life, whether they: a) go along to get along and just blend with everything that comes at them or b), instead they question, challenge, and work through things they find to be puzzling, offensive, or wrong.

So, back to that chair we've decided to dismantle.

For those who deconstruct, the process begins differently for different people and different situations,  For some, the process will start and stop, perhaps many times.  Only continuing on when it's obvious that it's something that has to be done...for themselves.

For some, the process will start and stop and never start back up again because too much is at stake.  They can look down the road a little and see quickly that many things they value greatly will be in jeopardy if they continue on with the process.

Instead of taking the chair apart, they'll work quickly to repair it and patch up any issues - they'll speak highly of it and become even more emotionally attached to it, fearing it's removal and the eventual need to get a whole new set of chairs.  And maybe a new table.

So deconstruction isn't just a little modification of belief or practice or simply an emotional reaction that will blow over.  It's the hurricane the remodels the landscape and forces you to pull out a compass because you can no longer use the old maps.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

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What we bring to the moment we are in now shapes what we will do in the moments we are heading toward in whatever happens after now.