Apologies to divorced people


An interesting phenomena after I quit my church job and let it be known about my deconstruction and rebuilding is how some people give off a vibe that I must have lost all my knowledge of scripture and of what the right things to do are - like perhaps I'm damaged goods and they really hope I can find another church to attend.

Same vibe I sometimes see some people give divorced people - like they're damaged goods, they must have really messed up in their relationship - like they must have forgotten how to be married and in a stay in relationship without fighting or making bad choices - and hopefully they can get back out there and rejoin the dating and marriage pool again.

Well, that's messed up.

And that's probably emblematic of the larger point.  Most people "in church" can't relate to the thought of someone being an active person of faith without "joining" or "placing membership" with a church, attending it regularly, giving money to it, and just "jumping back into the pool".

Ah, but there is life out here.  I do have other believers in my life that I meet with regularly and we encourage one another in a life of trust and dependence on God.  Does it look like "Sunday morning church"?  Probably not any that you're thinking about.

___________________________________________

It really is possible to "break up with" a church and move into a different dynamic where your focus is mainly on walking with God, knowing him, and trusting him with your life.  

I don't have to "listen really hard" to a sermon or class that isn't connecting with me to try to hopefully "get something out of it".  I actually invest into the Word directly.

I don't have to pretend to like singing some of the songs that I used to pretend to like singing even though the lyrics were often the opposite of good news.  I sing when and what I want to God.

I get to spend money on good causes and helping people that need help.  If that means giving some to "a church", great - if it means giving it to a person who needs to buy diapers, also great.

I get to talk to and with God all the time.  My conversations with him are clearer and different.  He shows me things about me that I couldn't hear before.  It is not something easily put into a few words.

I'm excited about him and not about being accepted by or gelling with other people in settings that are supposably about him.

My bovine fecal matter filter works really well now in helping me hear just about everything differently and mainly through the good news of God and not what I used to think of as "church".

I can see God's gifts to me through other people - like with some of those people I meet with for encouraging one another in God!  I can relax and not be in charge of the room, but see God doing it.

I can and do tear up in gratitude to God and can be amazed at his love and care for us through things I see all the time that I used to just pass up as nothing.  I want to high five him all the time.

I pour out my requests to him and am honest about them.  I wasn't dishonest before, but there has been this residual weird philosophical discussion internally that always occurs ("Do you really care? Does this request really matter?  Do you really answer us?  Etc.) that I now just bypass and know he hears and answers me and I'm open to whatever the answer is.

I appreciate everything a little more, knowing that he has given us all things for our enjoyment (1 Tim. 6:17-21).  I know he doesn't give me a critical eye because I ate too much of this or didn't spend enough time on that.  He delights in me delighting in him and what he has provided.

So yeah, it's possible.  

_________________________________________

Does that mean I won't "go to church" again?  No.  I still do guest speaking at different places where I know people who live in and for the hope of the good news, so I still "go to church" as it were.  And I meet with people in different settings to talk about God and life on the regular.

"No, we mean will you join a church again?  Which one will it be?" I don't know. We haven't even begun looking.  It's one of those things where we are letting God lead the way.  We'll probably visit a lot of different people or groups to see what God is doing, not just to find a "good fit" or something we like.

We know God is good and that we can trust him and depend on him.  That's all we know and that's all we need to know.  

Much love to everyone!

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