Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

The full quote is:

Fool me once, shame on you.  

Fool me twice, shame on me.  

Fool me three times, shame on both of us.

To continue on in a charade requires complicity. And there are times when people engage in it when they  do not know of any alternative except to be frank and honest. But the price of honestly and clarity is high and many, rather than own their part, would rather continue pretending and spending vast amounts of time and other resources coming up with new ways to explain why the charade is important.

Long ago, south American royalty figured out the timing of many celestial events, including when eclipses would occur. They used their knowledge of eclipses and planned out very important bloodletting ceremonies to happen at the same time, giving the appearance they were engaging in some important interactions with the gods and keeping their people in control through fear and intimidation.

It's not hard to imagine. When someone "above you" has knowledge of something very important that you believe is helpful or harmful to you, you might tend to listen to them and do what they say. You do it so you can have and use this knowledge for your own benefit, even if it is very costly and requires a level of submission and blind following of the instruction of those "above you".

One of the benefits of my time of faith rebuilding is no longer feeling the pressure to follow religious leaders. 

I don't mean ignore or be offensive toward them. And I don't mean that I believe other people don't have important gifts from God they can use to share wisdom from God for me and other believers. But they aren't "the boss of me" or even the best people to follow just because they know a little more about some things.

I know this to be true because I was one. 

And I know how things work behind the scenes, whether it's planning a worship service, bible class materials, events for the different groups inside a church, how the budget is planned and spent, how hiring and firing of staff is done and the motives behind it, how elders or other "high level" leaders do business, and more.

I know there are a list of qualifications and exceptions, but generally speaking most events are designed to provide continued momentum for the group - keep people moving toward a goal or direction that is successful (a.k.a. God's plan/will) and make sure it's pretty clear that if you aren't moving in this direction of belief, contribution, cooperation, investment, etc - something is wrong with you and/or you are out.

It's changing a little here and there, but a lot of "places" or local congregations still operate under the need to milk the group dry of their money, time, and attention on a regular basis so as to keep everyone bought in. 

Whether it's having a regular "altar call" even though there are no non-believers present or wrapping up a youth event with some high pressure, emotion driven decision/sharing times, we can keep you in line.

I don't believe that is good or important anymore. 

I know from history, a lot of the gospel meeting inspired emotional pressure that churches have incorporated and made the basis of their gatherings was developed in the last couple of centuries when preachers realized they'd have more success if they could have a moment during gatherings when you could provide/force a public response.  It went over like gangbusters and churches were in tall cotton.

And I don't just mean my tribe or places I've worked, it's out there everywhere. 

Think about how most religious services flow - the music and momentum are very designed to shape and move people in different directions, often culminating at a peak when the pastor/preacher is getting ready to wrap up their message and then a little keyboard kicks in to provide emotional background for your decision to be made.

Let me be clear - I don't think it's all done out of bad or evil motives.  It's just what people have learned who want to "do ministry".  Someone before them learned and refined how to lead gatherings to get people to respond in a certain way "for their own good".  And over time, people can get really good at it.  And we live in a culture that expects quality entertainment and productions.

And as it's become the norm, it shapes our thinking about God and each other in ways we don't perceive outwardly.  It's normal to feel the need to have a lot of social pressure or to "hold each other accountable" for things - and that's really not something scripture talks about in the way it's practiced.  We do it more as a social control mechanism and less as encouraging feature.

Again, I don't think it's all done out of poor motives, but it's done. And maybe occasionally people need to be led toward a moment of decision for important choices a voluntary group might need to openly agree on so they can know if everyone wants to move forward in some shared responsibility.  But do that: show options, take your time, answer questions, and then, without emotional manipulation, let people choose.

I could go on with what feels like endless examples of behind the scenes shenanigans of leaders "making the decision" about something important long before they bring it to the church to pray about. And if you're good with that, that's just fine - you do that. 

I know a lot of people don't want to know or think about how their sausage is made - they just want a good personal experience and to turn a blind eye.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, shame on us both.

Now, I think God has placed people around in his family that do all the things the scripture says they do or can do, but I know it's not a set of people or gifts that are always hooked up to one particular ministry, building, budget, or set of programming.  

The gifts of "leadership" are, more often than not, personal - leading people to greater understanding and depth, not leading a visually successful "ministry" that drums up more business.

So now I can listen to sermons, "christian music", teachers, and just plain old conversation without the need to feel pressure from people to "do this or God won't be happy with you".  

I can be discerning and agree or disagree with content or style without fear of needing to make someone happy or the without the need to destroy someone for not agreeing with me.

Now I just listen and ask questions and, if it seems like something from God or the Spirit, I might engage more.  If it feels like a sales job, like that time you went to that time share sales pitch, I just walk away.  And it's very freeing.

What's amazing is that along with listening to people differently, it's almost like I'm reading a different Bible and that the scales fell of my eyes that used to help me read and interpret scripture almost exclusively from the point of view of whatever the local church and it's leaders (including me) wanted you to see and believe.

It's like a whole new vista has opened in front of me. 

And now I can enjoy people as the gift from God that they are and not feel the need to dance for someone or to try to get someone else to dance.  Now I read scripture as a message from God for anyone and everyone and not just for my tribe and its local chapter.

And, wrapping today's post up, this isn't just a church thing - it's applicable to work, to politics, to relationships in the neighborhood, to your friend network, and more.

We're easily manipulated by people who appear to know a little more and know how to push buttons to get us to respond emotionally, usually out of fear, to get our compliance.  Whether it's sales or votes or likes.

Be discerning. Enjoy life with God and know that not everyone who claims to speak for him has a clue.