The greatest new temptation

In "The Devil's Advocate" the Keanu Reeves character is tempted and manipulated by the devil to do some awful things, but eventually, he resists, the devil is "conquered" and Keanu's character moves on...

...only to have the devil reappear in the next scene as another new, unrecognizable character who begins a new attempt to get Keanu's character to fall to a new, different temptation.  The cycle continues.

It was one of those movie scenes that made a lasting impression on me about how things work and was a reminder that you need to be vigilant about anything that is important to you.

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Now that things have quieted down and a lot of water has passed under the bridge, the greater temptations arise - and they are actually the most mundane and yet most powerful that exist - routine and familiarity.

It's been noticed that after the death of a loved one, people are shocked by the way everyone goes about their business "like normal" after an initial time of reacting with those who experienced the loss.

And it's completely normal - there is a desire to get back to normal after disruptive events - divorce, health changes, job changes, transitions, etc - anything to get past the unusual so we can get on with our lives.

For me, that's meant listening to people who speak with the assumption that I'll eventually just rejoin the church scene when I find a place that fits.  You know, when I come to my senses and do what's normal.

My brain complies and follows the conversationally familiar routine of "We're still looking. We're hoping to see a lot of different places.  Etc."  All of which is true.  We are doing that.

At the same time, the larger issues push back the temptation to just go dead inside and "do church" like we used to, only as a member this time; so we can get on with some kind of normalcy.

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I still have large deconstruction and rebuilding dynamics at work with:

1. The preacher, elder, pastor, etc system that lifts up, idolizes, and empowers a few, removes the Spirit from genuine leadership, and facilitates the ongoing "go to church" mentality rather than teaching people to trust and depend on God.
2. Any religious system that sets up shop where investment or offerings in the form of money is required or heavily encouraged to keep things going and the main product is a show to keep people motivated to give and yet docile, not questioning much of anything.
3. The social hierarchy of church power that continues to mirror the way the world around us distributes popularity, influence, and other "social goods" - embracing the lower people as projects to make the higher people look good for their outreach and concern - while ignoring that the higher people have no actual evangelistic influence with their higher peers outside of church.
4. The super greasy way things can work behind the scenes and the spiritual scrub job done to make everything look or sound like it was for the best for the kingdom, the church, the people involved, etc.  I was in those rooms, facilitating some of those meetings.  It makes me sick to think about it.
5. The way we worship church services or worship services.  The assumption that singing and music is to be the central feature, either right below or above listening to a sermon, for the gathering of believers is beyond belief.  Church is the good news, not Jesus.
6. The way churches continue to ignore the complete forgiveness of sin that God has already done and instead work hard to keep people "coming back" to make sure they're prayed up enough with God, through the leadership and blessing of the church in exchange for your money and your time.

And there are other things that noodle around up there which are too much to even begin to engage with the larger population at the moment.  

Very gratefully, the short list above are things that auto-populate in my head whenever I engage people these days and I'm tempted to go along to get along.

Yes, it would be nice to have a sense of normalcy and just not think about things, but it's been a massive change, not just job wise, but also in worldview.  The once benign or beneficial is now poisonous.

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What then?  What's next?  I think it's a time to see what God leads me toward.  For a short time, here and there, I'll subconsciously think, "Oh, it'll be to another church that we discover."

At other times, I find myself automatically doing things I used to with church people and trying to organize, train, lead, etc and then I'll catch myself and stop - at least for a good while, to stand back and see what else God might be saying or doing with the people I'm around that I completely wouldn't see or notice because of my doing what I've been in the habit of doing.

So for now, it's holding out in faith.  Waiting, watching, listening, learning, healing, stretching, and such.  But mainly waiting.  And learning to let that be enough. 

And thus far, it's been pretty amazing.

Let me restate that.  God has been pretty amazing.

Grace and peace.