Embracing the hard to explain

I remember when a phone call - any phone call - was important and possibly special. If the phone rang, there was an expectation that it had to be answered and quickly. It HAD to be answered.

Then a time came when phones and phone calls took on a different place in our culture. With more phones and more access to them, they became less meaningful and more an intrusion or annoyance.

Now, with the option to call, text, or FaceTime or, very importantly, not do any of those, phones have a very different meaning and purpose for most people.

It's almost hard to imagine that time when they were so very important. You have to go back and put yourself into context of the time and place in culture for it to make sense.

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If you're lucky or blessed, you come to places of greater clarity about everything in your life - probably a little at a time, here and there.

What we do with that information in those moments is full of possibility. It could change our lives, encourage or amaze us, demoralize or burden us - or anything in between.

We're not a note-taking people, so when those bright moments of information appear, they sometimes just shine and catch our peripheral attention, and then we let them go and forget them.

But they do come - it's just the nature of living.  And if we're kind of intentional or trying to learn and do life on purpose, we'll catch on and listen and watch.

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A former teacher and mentor once taught me, "Just because you know what caused a problem doesn't mean you know how to fix the problem."

Some things are simple and easily fix-able while other things are vastly more complex and have their origins before your time and beyond easily accessible comprehension.

Unless you have the luxury of time, access to information, and the desire to pursue it, it's often the case that we know there's only making a fresh start with what we know now, not solving deep issues.

If you have the opportunity to do both, even better. It's something that takes a person on a different path than merely doing what needs to be done for survival.

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This whole God/church thing is something else. There are a lot of false peaks that appear. You know that going in, but it still catches you off guard. It's like the book "Hinds Feet On High Places", come to life.

And then you realize that it's not about coming to points of realization and resting on them, it's more about a pace that you're learning to keep in a walk that you're on.

We have the benefit of looking back on people who inspired us with their whole life - like their life is a static thing we've observed from our position because we're looking at what is over and completed.

We often don't see that they were moving the whole time, not standing on a position that we've been trying to borrow from them. It's no wonder that our imitating them keeps knocking us down.

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There has been so much gravity to "go to church" and return to the default setting of "church is where God is connected to people" in the past few months.  It's ubiquitous. And, from my POV, really unhealthy.

It's pushing community without understanding what kind of community it is. And worse, it is often a kind of community that thinks it's self aware, but is actually blind to its origin or destination.

It's like saying government is good or family is good or school is good. And that may or may not be true based on your experiences with any of them.

I'm still not saying "No" to church, but I'm a lot more aware of the messaging and the reality of what's happening when I'm actually around what we call "church" in our culture today.  It is cage rattling.

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Probably the most important thing so far - and I must say that - so far - is that the noise that woke me up also has served to point me in a different direction.

Instead of "Well, this is what's wrong with the church and we need to fix it" as a thing - I now see that God has been saying "Well, now that I have your attention, let's begin. Let's go this direction, shall we?"

And that is an amazing move. I think it doesn't preclude "church" per se, but it certainly puts in into a different light and perspective than it ever was in before. 

I understand that is confusing to people who still have God and church glued together as a package deal. I don't have adequate words to help a lot of people who worry about that for me. 

And it's not my job, literally or metaphorically - and knowing that alone is a gift from God by itself.

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I do know that God is good and that I say that with a very different filter and understanding than I had just a few months ago even. It's not even churchy when I think or say that anymore.

When I think about God now, it's almost as different as how differently we used to see phones "back then" versus today - they're for a different reason and purpose all together. Same with God now.

I do not have all the answers and I do not think I'm better than anyone else. I do think I see some things I did not see clearly before and/or did not have the courage to step into/away from.

I do have a degree of sadness for people who "live there" but know that it is a journey and that people and things change. I have hope that more will wake up.

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In the meantime I am learning that the meantime is all there is. I can stop looking to events, to moments, to church services, or to other socially created times designed to tell me what is meaningful or important.

Being with God and trusting and depending on him is all there is. Coming to know him for who he is and wants to reveal to me about himself is all there is. However big or small or different that is, I'll take it.

It makes as much sense as the first time I shopped at a Sam's Club and could get milk, bread, peanut butter, eggs, and tires. Now it's the common thing - back then it was really weird, cool, and very unusual.

More soon, but wanted to give a barebones kind of update about where I'm located in the current timeline of things - not taking up a position, but on a journey.

Grace and peace.