I remember the first football pass I ever caught on the run in a "pick up game". I was down the field, about 20 yards away from the passer. I took off running, knowing I was one of two people who might have the ball thrown to them and was running hard to get in front of the defender, looking over my shoulder.
At some point the passer called my name and I knew it was coming my way - I was far enough from the defender it was safe, I was closest to the goal line - it was gonna be me. I looked over my shoulder and saw it coming, reached back a little and caught it right in front of my left shoulder and hauled it in.
And then promptly smacked into the ground, tangled up in my own feet.
But I still had the ball!
Later in that game, I took a cleat to the inside of my left knee while trying to tackle a guy trying to catch the ball for the other side and that was the end of the game for me, watching a bruise grow over the length of the inside of my left leg (similar to the picture above).
I learned a lot during that game and, instead of going on to play football for our school, I accepted the role of being one of the managers - which was fine by me since we had way too many players and most of the team rarely got off the bench during games and I could at least throw a clean ball in now and then.
I had a new perspective and appreciation for everyone's role and ability.
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One of more challenging things in life is learning how to gain perspective - learning about things you don't yet know, being willing to suspend your worldview a moment to see something differently, and basically being open to listening to someone else's story as they see it and not simply waiting around until it's your turn to talk or respond.
When someone asks, "Why don't you like ____?", it's sometimes an honest inquiry and a person genuinely wants to know why you don't like something they like - could be tomatoes, Ford vehicles, art house movies, a certain politician, or just about anything. Those are good times where free inquiry and response can be helpful for mutual understanding.
Sometimes people ask those kinds of questions because they've decided someone who doesn't like _____ probably has something wrong with them and they want an opportunity to point out what they think is wrong, offer general commentary about them, and why it's better to think like they do - and if they can't convince you to like their liked thing, perhaps cast a little shade over you.
There are times in culture and history when that pressure isn't there and times when it's building up, having been stirred up by someone who wants it to happen so they can benefit from the chaos and division it produces - and that happens in politics, groups of people, neighborhoods, families, etc. Having your finger on the pulse of that dynamic can help your sanity - knowing when to withdraw and let it be.
Not everyone has that kind of perspective or ability and sometimes self preservation is all that can be accomplished unless you're wanting to die on a hill that isn't worth protecting and was only decided on in the moment by people who are riding the waves of whatever is popular at the moment. It's amazing how intentionally NOT having an opinion about something is beneficial for your health and sanity.
Of course, there are times when NOT having an opinion isn't a luxury you can afford - sometimes people insist on knowing what's going on with you or insist on you joining in their social dynamic - thankfully those are (hopefully) rare for most people, but I know that there are some that can't escape it - it's just the nature of their circle.
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Boundaries. Boundaries are simply lines that are set up to define what is and isn't yours or someone else's stuff. Some people have weak boundaries that are pretty much meaningless and others have impenetrable boundaries that are only breached or crossed with permission or with great consequence for the offender.
Not all boundaries are clear and we test each other's fairly often. Jesus had some pretty clear boundaries and people tested them regularly, even his own family and followers tested him. We usually only learn about boundaries when they are tested. Sometimes we don't even know our own until then.
Gaining perspective or learning how to gain perspective is often an exercise in opening your boundaries to new knowledge or experiences. You can't learn if you're unwilling to listen. You can't receive if you're not willing to take. Learning is trusting that what you're about to get or hear is valuable enough to risk.
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Over the last six months, I've been noting the kinds of conversations I've had with people and how often people inquire to know or learn about what's going on with me and how often people come to "attack", for a lack of a better word, where I've gone and why I'm wrong, etc. Thankfully, it's been more of the former and less of the latter. I usually hear about the later through/from people who come with the former.
We don't like it when people rock the boat and do things that don't support and continue on the path we feel is best. At minimum it's a slight rebuff that is taken personally and seen as an offense. And it's been a mixed bag - some surprising comments and inquiries - coming from all sorts of directions, many working with wrong or limited information, making up a lot of assumptions, developing their own stories, etc.
It's been fascinating. It's been kind of a side trip, sociologically speaking, to observe and take in how people respond, how some don't respond, how some comments reveal feelings or information that you didn't know existed, how the strength of ties is relative to time and distance and schmoozing, how easy it is to create your own stories to explain things, and how easy it is to wipe the slate clean and move on.
With each passing month, there's about a 15-25% decrease in interaction or expression of connection. With the decrease in those things, there's a similar qualitative shift of the same - flatter, less emotional, more looks of curiosity or puzzlement - like when you see someone in the store you think you might know, but just leave it alone, etc.
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So what do you do with all that? What perspective do you gain and how do you use that? How do you catch a ball while you're on the run? It takes a lot of different things working together.
You have to decide what's important to keep thinking about, what's worth investing your time into, what's worth leaving behind, and what lessons you can learn that aren't too painful to keep on remembering.
I think I'm still figuring it out. It sometimes feels like catching that first pass on the run. I learn something new and then smack into the ground. I learn something else and it's a cleat to the knee. And sometimes it's not painful at all - not all growth is and IF it is, you're probably doing something to cause that.
I see new possibilities of where to fit into the new story I'm in with God and people AND that I actually get to be part of the making of that story and am not simply a passive recipient of a role or script I have to follow. And I see a lot more clearly how others are too, some more openly and transparently than others.
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On the clarity side - walking with God without the gravity of "formal church" is so different. Nothing against those of you who enjoy yours - that's a blessing from God I suspect. But for me, not having the cult-like assumption that you need to like what everyone else likes is freeing. And it's been amazing how much the Spirit shows you when you're not consumed with the consumer side of "church life".
Not looking to hear "quality" messages or sing/hear "good worship music" probably seems like going to get food and NOT going to the grocery store to get it, but instead going to a farm to get it from the source - it's kind of like that. It seems like more trouble than not, but there are definitely no "impulse buys", spiritually speaking.
Walking through the experience with an eye on God and NOT with a predetermined end in mind has been one of the most interesting things - more on that soon - it's too good to try to throw out there without a little more reflection.
Definitely walking through a period where writing about is more of a chore, but helpful in keeping the process going. It's way more fun to enjoy the game and less fun to report on it, but I'll at least keep it up for the full 100 days - and we're 9/25 left in the cue!
Grace and peace.
9/25
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