Don’t say it

If you've ever played along with one of those games where you have to do something without using an arm or attempt to communicate without using a certain word like "the" and instead have to rely on rethinking how you'd say something or do something without those things - that's what it's like to do rebuilding after deconstruction.

Some of the "old" ways of doing or thinking are so different that it is hard to even borrow them to attempt to communicate something that is new, different, and growing. Doing so would vacate the new thing because it is so completely overshadowed by the old thing.

You've heard me say it many times, "going to church" is one of those phrases or ideas that has lost connection for me when talking about a life of trust and dependence on God.  I know when people say it they usually meaning "I am going to worship services at a certain church building this Sunday."  But it ("going to church") has many layers of meanings for me that make me not use it without a lot of qualifications or questions.  

For example, it eventually was one of those things that was a requirement to be pleasing to God - that God is taking roll of who's "at church" and who's not.  And that misses the point of "church" to start with.  And it completely assumes God is keeping count of your good versus bad things so that he can decide whether you go to heaven or hell.  

And the list could roll on.  You get the idea.  "Going to church" has a lot of baggage that insiders of "church" don't take into account a lot of times when they use the idea or concept.  Outsiders 100% add their own baggage, often negative, to the that idea or concept.  We all might use the same words, but we have very different meanings or definitions for those words we use.

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Here's a list of words or phrases I can't use anymore without having to unpack their meaning for myself and/or to make sure I understand what those around me mean when using them:

• Glory - God's goodness or his credit or what?
• Worthy - God's credentials or his ability to get something done or what?
• Saved - Having done the salvation check list or keeping the faith or drinking the koolaid or what?
• Right with God - On our team?  Believing the right things?  Trusting and depending on God?
• Worship - Singing? Giving your heart to God?  Giving God the credit?
• Blessing - Giving good things?  Giving good feels?  Saying something meaningful or nice?
• Prayer/pray - Talking with God?  Asking God for something?
• God's plan - A blueprint or set of directions? An ideal for me/you?  A Kanye West song?
• Communion - "The Lord's Supper"? Bread and juice? Remembering our union in Jesus?
• The offering/giving - Money in a plate for church? Investing in God's Kingdom? Help for others?

And I'd say those are some of the more trivial things, not the deeper ideas of what faith is, what it means to live in trust and dependence on God, who God is, who we are, etc.

It reminds me of when the Soviet Union "fell" and lots of churches rushed in with great intentions and heart and imported American Christianity via gospel meetings and things like that.  

The most baffling story I remember was a group of conservative CofC people held gospel meetings in a city and had full on "altar calls" or invitations where they actually had the person leading the song "Just as I am" for people to "respond to" at the end of a sermon - in English no less.

It is like we just don't think through what we're doing or saying at a really basic level.  

In case that missed you, American Christians were having a gospel meeting during when they "preached the gospel" and had an invitation song *in English*, in hopes that the Russian and Ukrainian audiences would be moved to respond to the gospel like people used to do in gospel meetings in the 1970's in America.  If that still misses you, perhaps we can have coffee sometime and unpack some worldviews.

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So that's the new adventure - recapturing ideas and language for myself for use in meaningful ways that actually, hopefully, can cut through some of the hubris and habit of my past.

It's a lot of work, but kind of fun.  Sometimes it's amazing to have conversations with people and hear how differently things sound now.  Kind of makes me wonder what it would be like to hear English spoken for the first time as a non-English speaker.

In no way do I mean to cast aspersion on anyone with this particular topic, just reflecting my own dynamics that unfold.  

It's like when you get immersed into a new topic or activity and then someone you know from your past comes along and has a completely different experience than you with the new topic or activity and you get to share with them what you've learned - and you listen as the try to figure out the words or questions to ask to know more about it and you 100% get it, but know you can't speed them up - it's a journey that takes time, desire, and interest.

Recently, in a couple of different situations, I had some different people ask me if I was "happy" doing what I do now, not working for a church. I was comforted knowing of their concern for me as a person and at the same time left wondering if they were still thinking I'd "left church" because I was unhappy or what exactly.

It reminded me of how close and yet how far off we can be from each other, in the same rooms, using the same language - yet separated by the time it would take to unpack all the questions we have for each other and the time it would take to help each other understand and be understood.  And that's just life.

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Well, that's that.  

May your weekend be full of good things.  

May you walk with God in trust and dependence without worrying about whether or not you're scoring enough good points with him - he's not counting like you might think he is.

Grace and peace.

And by that, I mean may you be drenched completely in the free gift of God's love and acceptance and may it seep down into your very being and quench any thirst you have in ways you've never imagined.

So there.

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