Plot twists & the stories we tell ourselves

A couple decades ago, a friend and I were talking about an upcoming trip we were taking individually with our families and how we might meet up and see it as a trip we were all taking together.

As we began to unpack some details, we both realized, eventually, we were talking about going to the same state on the same weekend, but to two completely different events in two completely different cities.

Needless to say, that was a funny and, at least initially, an awkward moment. We had a laugh and moved on with our lives, glad that we had clarified the two different stories we were living in.

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Kind of a side note to some of the "quickening" revelations of the last few weeks is the idea of the story we buy into and live by.  I've mentioned it before in some other contexts, but it strikes me that I am now seeing it all around in culture, and not just in the religious/church sphere.

Most striking has been a Twitter debate amongst generations about who has given who the shaft and who is lazy and wanting everything handed to them.  

Younger generations saying that the Boomers benefited the most from the growing post WW2 economy and then set up things to continue to benefit themselves while, over time, milking the system more, and setting the younger generations up to fail by moving the goals posts and making it harder.

The Boomer generation, generally speaking, says in return - "No we didn't. You all just got too involved and interested in distractions and didn't work hard at making a living. You squandered all the benefits we set you up to have. Don't blame us."

Both groups, and lots of little subgroups around and in-between, make a lot of points and counter-points about things - but eventually end up talking at each other or past each other.  

There are a LOT of ways to unpack all that and it's not the point of this post, but it's a good example of different stories that people believe and live their lives by.

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Consider all the stories or meta-narratives that fuel most people's lives and dreams.  

When I was younger, young women talked about getting married and having a "Prince Charming" and a wonderful life, etc. 

Most of the people I went to school with at least payed homage to the belief that if you went to school and then maybe college, the military, or into the trades, you'd "move up" in the economy and follow in the footsteps of your parents and grandparents AND you'd do even "better" than them.

World War 3 was always a possibility and, at least until the late-80's, seemed to be a shadow that many expected to fall across our path of life.  I remember being in Germany for a couple of summers when there was still a Berlin Wall and the nervous tension you felt.

People of my parents and grandparents generation talked about all of "us" (my peers) doing better than them, working hard, saving, getting married, having kids, having a house with a garage, or whatever economic and social goals they dreamed of.

And that's just my white, southern, lower to middle-middle class background.  You can add all sorts of variations off of that which might run alongside or even counter to that set of stories or ideas.

I remember someone who's about twenty years younger than me, growing up in a very poor part of town with a broken home, no dad present, siblings from different places, sleeping on the floor or couch - and he said, after he'd done much better in life than he'd imagined, that he always assumed growing up that he'd just be living that same life - couch surfing, etc.

I've had people in my life who grew up wealthy and some poor, each had very different stories told to them growing up. 

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Now of days, when I talk with and listen to people from their 80's down to their teens, there's a whole other set of stories being tossed around - some as off-shoots of older stories, many newly developed in response to how those older stories just don't seem to work or hold true anymore.

Lots of younger people don't see marriage and family as a goal, while others see it as something to be worked towards, but later in their life, after they've done a few things and, hopefully, established themselves a little better financially.

Money seems to work differently for people. I hear from a lot of 20's and 30's that big purchases have to be considered in light of much higher rent, moderate to lower pay, and the increased costs of living across the board.  

Those who got higher paying professional jobs and/or had their college paid for have it a little easier, but a lot of those who financed it all feel the pinch of interest rates and payments and delay a lot of big things -- if not changing their life plans completely because some goals simply don't make sense, seem attainable, or even appear valuable anymore.

It's a thing that's out there right now.  

Which stories are true?  What is valuable and worth pursuing anymore?  

Should I follow in the footsteps of my predecessors, even if that path is leading somewhere that I don't believe works and I don't believe is true or right?

Again, this isn't necessarily about "church" or religion - this is about money, education, jobs, relationships, and all those things that make up the day-to-day parts of life.

Meaning in general has shifted. 

Values have shifted.  

Goals are shifting.

No one is saying a person shouldn't go to school, college or some training, but now the question is "At what cost?" or "What does it get me when I finish?"  

That's where the plot twists have entered the scene for many in the past couple of decades.

And so now, I see a lot of people questioning "What's next?" and "Why would I do that?" regarding marriage, having kids, making large purchases, investing in retirement, and so much more.

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I talk with and listen to and read a lot of voices and there are some that are disparaging of what's going on, preferring everyone to get back to work and rejoin the system and the way things are.  

And some of those voices are disparaging of those who question all the stuff - all the things.  They'll question their motives and call them names - refer to them as not smart or ignorant. 

And they'll get down and depressed about it all and the future in general.  And I 100% get that.  When the story you've heard all your life begins to have less luster for the people who you hoped would champion it, it can be tough to see.

But as I listen to those who are wondering and questioning, I don't see them all as being that - dumb, uninformed, or lazy.  Sure, some are - but you can say that about any generation.

I see the current collection of questioners - ranging in age from young to even some who are "old" - as being honest about how the story has changed.  

Or maybe that the story they told wasn't actually true.  Or maybe it's not true for everyone.

And they are some hard working people - not lazy, not ignorant - who want to invest their time and energy into what actually works and not have to pretend to go along with things so as not to offend those for whom it does work currently.

So, as plot twists continue to unfold and as our country goes through another large transition in the days and weeks ahead, I am optimistic that people are looking around and asking those larger questions.

I believe there is much good ahead of us, even if it means going through unpacking what "good" is and how far it is till we "get there".

Grace and peace.