Essentially becoming an atheist

Since about the first part of this year (2025), it has been interesting to get feedback from the grapevine about how people perceive those who "quit going to church".

For some, it's as if you are persona non-grata or an "unwelcome person" or "unacceptable person". You're someone who doesn't fit into the category of "lost" or "unsaved", but worse.

If you were potentially someone who might be invited to and convinced to join a church, you're still potentially valuable for that "win", but if you're not - no reason to waste any time on you.

And I'm not simply speaking from my own experience, but from what I see and hear from others whose faith walk shares some similarities.

It's almost as if it would be better if you went off "into the world" and were "living in sin" - 'cause you'd still be fitting into the grand story of how church works.  You still have potential for a happy ending.

The people I run into from my church/job past are still friendly and amicable, so I'd not say this applies to me 100%, but I "get it" when I hear other people's stories.

And it's all good.  And interesting.  And the point of this short post - before I forget again...

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If you're someone who believes in God and the big Jesus story, etc and don't quite fit into that grand story of "church life", you're an oddity.

It is expected that you should be a member of a church.  And by member, it means that you're a regular attender of a worship service, maybe giving a little money, people "there" know you, etc.

It needs to be a recognized place or group - a physical building with a name on it, even if it's a rental that only has a temporary folding "sandwich sign" out front on days the group meets.

It needs to have a leader - like a preacher or pastor - someone recognized as a professional or a person with enough recognized experience that they can carry that label.

It's meetings need to have some formality or liturgy - some of the same things need to happen every time, even if you don't understand them - they are comfortable, needed, and required.

It needs to have an enmeshment to the degree that it's recognized in a feeling you get when you walk into a meeting - a familiarity and, preferably, a shared history with special language and interactions.

And if you're someone who believes in God, etc but don't participate in that kind of structure described, you're seen as kinda weird - and people occasionally feel the need to gently probe to figure out why and where you went/are wrong.

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Don't get me wrong - there are plenty of people who are part of an established church who "get it" - they might say things like "I get it. You love God, believe the story, but you 'do church' differently."

If you know how to play the language game, you can get a pass from some people.  If what you describe as your interactions with other believers sounds close enough that they can use their imagination and see how your thing could conceivably be "church" to them, you're good.  Potentially.

For some, it's just not enough - you've essentially become an atheist or worse.  You NEED to "be part of a church community" to be right.

The more I've watched and listened, I think there are some reasons for this:

For some, they genuinely might believe you are lost if you don't "just go to church already".  To them, God saves you if you believe AND do enough of the right things and going to church is a must, 100%. 

To them "going to church", as it's thought of today, is exactly what Paul and the other apostles were doing and you need to do it too or else.  They will interpret Hebrews 10:25 as "go to church" every time - they can't conceive of anything differently.

For others, they don't quite know what they believe, but they sense that if enough other believers think it's important, then that's the way to go and they'll promote it — always promote it - it's their ride or die. They value community over everything and beliefs are okay if they support the community they desire.

For still others, they don't completely believe you'll go to hell for not going to church BUT they don't want you to mess it up for them.  It's helpful and important to them and theirs and they can't risk you making it look not important for their kids or even for them.  

They need this.  They are okay with you doing your own "church thing", but you need to be quiet about it.  It's almost kind of a Romans 14 and 15 thing for them - believe what you want, but keep it yourself.  But *they* have permission to speak about it being super important - Romans 14 only applies one way to them.

There are some crossovers between these three collectives I've described and even some other options I've not discussed, but these are the most common I see and hear.

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It's a tough spot.  People who know Jesus want others to know the freedom they've found.  

Sometimes I think that the current forms of church are so tightly wound into the idea of Jesus/the New Covenant that believers and even non-believers have a hard time separating them.

That usually results in believers sharing their church experiences as being equal to the good news from God.  It's why people often "lead with" their church as being the thing to bring people to know God.  

Sometimes that sharing of Jesus happens, but what you attract people with is what you have to keep providing in order to keep them.  So church experiences have to continue to be held in high esteem and kept at a level of being equal to the gospel and/or explained in such a way that "going to church" is an essential part of being a Christian.

For those who've stepped outside the structure of religion as we think of it in pop culture these days but still believe in the good news of God through Jesus, get with other believers in a different way, etc - it's a catch-22.

Outsiders assume you're going to "push church on them" and many of them can't get past a lot of the church culture baggage that is held in such high esteem to so many church people.

The outsider doesn't always know what to do with you either. Once you explain that you're not "pushing church on them", they don't know what to do with that either.

"So you're just a believer in the world?  You get together with other believers, but you don't go through all that religious 'rig amore' all the time?  You live it more as a philosophy or way of life?"  And the list of questions goes on...

So the outsider is almost as socialized, religiously speaking, as the church goer - because they have the same expectations and assumptions about God, church, etc.

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Anyway, that's the middle of a thought I must stop in.  

More is coming - I just wanted to get this down for posterity, as a reminder for follow up, and to possibly get input from people in a similar spot, process wise.

Grace and peace.

PS:  For next time - a look at the development of the synagogue when no such thing was authorized by God in the Old Law and how that might relate to "church" today.