Throw back Thursday

I remember the joy and security of being inside a group of people and being a church insider. But I also remember the rules or the costs of being an insider. "Do what we say or you're out."

The "we" was usually whoever had the most influence and power at the moment and specifically power and influence over something that was important to you, at the moment.

Back then, it was seeking approval for additions to or modifications to things that were happening in a worship service, Bible class, in a church bulletin, building usage, or any number of little "church things."

Rarely was it a discussion about a major idea or concern about life, God, church beliefs, or other "important things" that related to "the church".

Regardless of the importance or size of an issue, the reactions, way back then, were often the same - don't tick people off or get on the wrong side of a decision maker - you'll pay for that in the long run.

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In hindsight, I completely get why things were the way they were - people have an interest in things being the way they are - whether it's how a room gets used and put back or if a song is sung "during church".

People have opinions and preferences. Nothing wrong with that. I guess it gets sideways when those opinions and preferences dictate the nature of interactions and the direction of an organization.

Like any group, you could watch the herd mentality unfold. If someone really liked something AND they were liked, all they needed to do was say the word - and vice versa. Things happened that way.

Sure, sometimes things were a little harder - you might need to campaign to get people to see your side and ride it out while the naysayers complained and, hopefully, just moved on or left.  But a win is a win.

That was the nature of church - having classes, worship services, and the occasional other activity that pleased the members and, potentially, reached non-members who might become members.

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Whether it was who was the preacher, who led singing, what did the youth minister let our kids watch at the last retreat, or any number of things - it was all good until it wasn't anymore.

I'm not saying that changes should not be made "in churches".  I was right in the middle of many of them, looking back - carrying the banner, working the groups, etc.  You do what needs to be done.

And then, at some point, the whole thing fell apart for me. It didn't matter who preached because that became a meaningless thing. Same with "worship leading" or any other role or activity.

I think I realized that trusting and depending on God meant the whole system was off base - we were fighting for what we wanted and it had little to do with knowing God and more about enjoying ourselves.

As much as it was fun and secure and nice being an insider, knowing God became a larger thing and well worth the leaving behind of anything else.

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I remember sitting around at the end of shop class in junior high and one of the guys said, "Man, if you ain't on the football team, you ain't nothing."

Our shop teacher was watching quietly from behind our group and when everyone seemed to kind of quietly not say anything in response to the guy from the football team who said that, the teacher spoke up.

"I remember a guy who said that back when I was in high school. He's working over at X, Y, Z gas station now, pumping gas and mopping floors. I guess it all depends on what you want to do in life."

You really didn't have to say anything else after that. The point was well made and everyone got a nice reminder about perspective and/or the larger picture in life.

I'd say that over the last few years, God has been making that point to me about "church" and church related stuff.  "If you can have it all the way you like it, but you don't know me, are you okay with that?"

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It was a stunning revelation for me because having all the church stuff lined up like you'd like it or wanted it was essentially the same as knowing God, in my limited mind.

I remember watching as the former goals and values of my church life/career crashed down like nothing. It was like watching 1 Corinthians 13 come to life in front of me...

"...if I have the best worship services with the best preacher and best worship leaders leading the way, but don't have God/love, then I actually have nothing..."

And that WAS a big thing. There was a time when I believed that if you had the best people in each role, churches would grow and people would come to know Jesus in numbers we couldn't believe.

Then it hit me - who asked us to grow our churches and make them bigger?  Why are we so focused on that particular thing when it's not mentioned in scripture in the way we talk about it?

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All that started a chain of unpacking or deconstruction that was not going to stop. If growing your church and being successful at that wasn't something God emphasized, what then?

Suddenly all the discussions about outreach, in reach, what we focused on in worship services, what we provided for teens/kids, etc - all of it was put into a much different perspective.

After a while, all that was like a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal - excess noise that made us happy and, while benefitting some, was really all about us and what we like, with a little God-flavored icing on top.

Then God showed up. The unexpected character in the story that I assumed was in the machine I had been working with, stepped up behind and said, "Are you having fun with that?  Any joy in this?"

I had to be honest and say, "First, no - not really. And second, who's asking?" When I turned to look, it changed everything. 

The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. (Matt. 13:44)

Ever since then, this is the kind of thing going on.

There IS joy in this journey.

Grace and peace.