When I hear people pray

Ever been around someone who has a different kind of relationship with you than they do another mutual friend?  Like different friends from different friend groups who meet in front of you, perhaps for the first time.

I'm often forgetful that some of my friends and acquaintances don't know each other, so when they're in the same room for the first time, it's interesting to remember they don't know the amazing things about the other person and what a cool thing they're in for, if they get to know them like I do.

For example, I have friends who work for bosses who are also my friends.  I knew their bosses before they began working for them.  Watching them interact with me as a friend and then turn to each other and assume the role of boss or worker is often funny, maybe even a little tasty or even super awkward to see how the unique personalities unfold in these very different roles. 

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Now of days, the same thing happens when I listen to people pray or talk to God. It's amazing. 

Sometimes, when I hear someone pray out loud, I wonder what god or God they are talking to.  

It's like they don't even know God the way I know God and I don't know why.  

Or maybe better said, I don't know the God or version of God they are talking to.

I wonder why they're acting all weird around him and saying things like they say.  Some examples:

• Sometimes it's like they're acting like they're talking to God, but it's way more like they're talking to me or the people in the room with us and not God.  It's like you could look over at God in the room at the moment and he'd have a look on his face like, "Is that guy talking to me for real? Can you let him know I'm here?"
• Sometimes people will talk to God and say, "Father" or "Father God" almost every other line in their conversation to him. I'm 100% a jerk here, but that usually is language that says to me the person using it doesn't at all feel comfortable or good with God and are living in constant fear that they could potentially mess up with God.
• Sometimes I hear people speaking to God as if he was a child and say things in a way that make them sound like a doting mother, telling him "just how sweet, wonderful, and loving he is" and "won't you do what mommy says and ______" kind of praying.  I kind of shudder inside.
• Sometimes I hear people speak to God as if they are his humble champion, his chosen person who has been put in the right place at the right time to lead other people to follow God and to have the kind of relationship with him they act like have.  Like it's a sales job almost - a snake oil huckster, drinking his own potion so others will buy into it.
• Sometimes I hear people speak to God as if they're talking to the cranky person at the DMV and they're trying their best not to tick them off and they're praying that they've got all their paperwork together so they guy behind the counter doesn't send them away and shout, "Next!"
• Sometimes people will pray as if it's a nice transition piece between things or as an obligatory thing that needs to be done to ensure something is separated enough from something else to the degree that we know they are things that are set apart from each other.. It’s to the point that people “pray over” things enough that I half expect the time to come when someone prays over the prayer they just prayed or are about to pray.

Most of the time when I hear people pray in public or in front of other people, I hear them talking to me and the people around me rather than to God.  

I've done it before, 100%.  I remember actually being taught how to pray differently in public than you do in private, making sure "your content" is relevant and appropriate to the group you're with.  And that does make sense, but it seems like we leaned into that too far and now many public conversations with God are actually a speech for someone in the room.

Humorously, I've been in rooms where people actually blurred the line back and forth between taking to God and talking to the people in the room, multiple times in the same "prayer".

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I get it.  Some of you might be thinking the same thing I'd say to people over the years -- "Don't be critical of someone's prayer language.  You don't know where they are in their walk with God.  This might be an important growth place for them that takes them to another place where they're ready for more or better with God."

And that is true.  Except for the many I've known for decades whose prayer life hasn't changed OR has actually gone in a worse direction.

I remember people who prayed in open fear and shame over the years.  Saying things to God about themselves and others that he doesn't say are true and, in fact, he would likely argue with them about how they were throwing themselves and others under the bus.

I know people whose prayer language hasn't changed any at all.  Like.  At.  All.  Over many years.

I know people who pray way too much and want to pray more all the time.  Don't get me wrong, I think talking to and with God is amazing and wonderful.  

But these are people who seem to want to just throw more spiritual logs on the fire because it makes them sound holy for suggesting prayer a lot AND because they enjoy talking aloud to the people in the room when they get the chance to give another lecture or lesson or shame session via prayer.

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I have a lot of thoughts about all that and I could share a lot more.  

But suffice to say, I ask God that more people around me would feel a level of comfort and confidence in talking with him so that they don't come across the way they do to other believers, and *shudder* outsiders who are listening in.

I know some people just have stage fright and don't do well speaking in front of others and that perhaps is my point - they aren't just speaking in front of others, they're speaking to God.  

Those same people in a regular conversation in a group can turn to another individual in the group and speak to them with confidence in the group.  I pray they can learn to speak to God in the same way.

From what I have picked up and learned from scripture and experience, God invites us to speak with him freely, personally, specifically, and intimately.  

There are no bonus points for King James language or for using your well honed K-Love sounding voice with God.  Only the people around you are possibly impressed by you getting on your knees or laying on the floor.  

When you speak so differently to God, you're not teaching the new or younger "the right way to pray", but instead how to keep him at a distance.

Speak with God directly and as if we're all on the same page with him, because we are!

Please get to know him and learn to relax and live in trust and dependence, not in fear and frustration.

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This is the clunkiest and not very satisfying post I've done in a while, at least to me.  I'm still working through how to think and speak about it because, for years, I was always reluctant to speak about how people pray because it can come across as so judgmental and offensive.

And yet I think it's probably pretty important, especially in our day and age when so many important things are being treated so poorly by the very people who should do otherwise.

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I remember a scene near the end of Bruce Almighty from years ago when the God character is talking with Bruce about praying and God tells Bruce to quit talking like that and just speak plainly and honestly. 

And when he does, God said, "Now that's a prayer!".  And it was.  

If you've not seen it, it's worth a look.  ( You can see it here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tg5Ihkw3vZw )

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May the Lord bless you with a closer walk with him - not a more religious one, but a genuine relationship with him, so that you can speak with him as he desires you to relate to him.

Grace and peace.