Where does church "fit" then?

Conversations. Sharing of information. 

Learning to speak with others about our *potentially* shared faith in what God has done for us in Jesus. 

That’s the start of what it looks like to “be church” as opposed to “go to church”.

I know that sounds simplistic. And it probably is. But what I mean by conversation is taking the time to tease out fully what each of us/all of us have put our faith in. 

 

It’s easy to chat about religious stuff. We all have opinions and experiences we can share. 

We can talk about “church stuff” and religious things, but rarely do we get down to the heart of what we believe with one another.

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Why is that?

Things are often best kept somewhat vague or not discussed, people think. Kind of like the old saying, “don’t bring up politics or religion” so you can keep the discussion light and without conflict.

 

We’ve done that for so long in culture, we often don’t know how to have those kinds of conversations without trying to hurry through them, getting defensive, becoming offensive, or reading motives into the conversations of the other.

 

Often, I find that many people just jump around in conversation when it comes to talking about faith – there’s not a central bedrock of belief for them, per se, so they ramble around with talk about what’s happening at church, what’s controversial, what’s salacious, etc.

 

Sometimes that is potentially just the nature of how people have conversations today – keep it light, keep it moving, keep it funny, keep it _________. Don’t stick to one topic for too long for fear of things getting too heavy or personal.

So, it's not just a religious thing, it's also a cultural thing to avoid being vulnerable and/or being honest with what you believe, especially if you realize that it's not making you look your best.

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What do you do about that?

I think it means we need to be learning a different way of being with people so that we can take and/or make the time to be with each other to talk - actually talk about important things.

That means be open and honest about things we might not normally be open and honest about.

Probably harder is the reality that, for many, it means actually learning or even formulating what we actually believe about God, life, church, ourselves, etc.

A lot of people have very vague, very general beliefs.  They believe some things very specifically, but not to their core - and usually only to some social core where they agree with something because someone they like, know, or trust said they felt strongly about something.

We know some vague generalities about what we believe, but can surprise ourselves when what we think we believe changes depending on the people we are around or the social pressure we feel to talk or not talk.

An example: I know some who feel strongly you should worship God each Sunday in a "church service" but that you should NOT have a piano that you sing along with during that service.  And I've watched those same people acknowledge that a person is "better off" if they at least worship God with a piano as compared to someone who never goes to church.

Well, which is it?  Piano or no piano?  Does God's acceptance float around depending on circumstances?

We have a sliding scale when it comes to beliefs and values and it depends heavily on social assists.  The closer someone is to how we believe, we suddenly pop the door of God's acceptance to them IF we have to chose between them and someone who is much farther from us in terms of belief.

[BTW, the piano/no piano thing is not a thing to me, nor is going to or not going to a building on a Sunday to have "church services".]

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So, that's the start of it for me.  Talking with people about what we believe and finding common ground. 

If we find it, excellent!  Maybe we can walk together from there.  If we don't find any, or maybe enough, we can move on and do other, separate things, knowing that God could bring us together again another time.

And in the process of doing this, we'll uncover our own hidden rules - maybe hidden from ourselves.

Rules like:  

• I will only spend X, Y, & Z amount of time discussing this kind of thing with people that don't have anything to offer me or who are not like me.  Make it good, make it quick, or move on.
• There must be a reasonable return on my investment of time with someone or some event or I won't engage in it past a certain benchmark.  Your conversation has become tiresome.
• If I don't like it, I'll find a reason not to be engaged in it at all. For me to like it, I have to think the people involved in it will benefit me in some way - good feelings, some kind of affirmation, celebrating some kind of common background variable, etc.  I'll check and let you know.

And those are just some of the very harsh rules I've observed from a few years doing this kind of thing. When we're honest with ourselves, we realize how ruthless our actions are or can be. I've been amazed at how brutal people can be, especially in organizations where we assume the opposite it true.

If we can be honest with each other that we have a hard time understanding each other and maybe even knowing what we believe -- and that we're really reluctant to take the time needed to do any of that -- that's probably a good beginning point.  A really good start.

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With that in mind, if you can find some people who're interested in having those conversations, here's some things I'm coming to see as good guidelines or principles to use.

1. Conversations need to be regular enough that you don't have to play "catch up" every time about everything.  They can build on past conversations with a few reminders or assists.
2. Vocabulary and familiarity - Learn to take the time in conversation to ask or explain what someone's words or references mean. No inside baseball talk that obscures information and creates informational hierarchies. No being vague and misleading on purpose.  Use as high or as low of word choices that are needed to understand or be understood.
3. Keep track of what you've discussed and how it has developed over different gatherings, times, etc. Notice progress, diversions, growth, etc and discuss it.
4. Space is made to allow people to explain or elaborate on where some idea or belief came from for them so that not only the ideas or beliefs are clearer, but you also understand "the why" it developed that way.
5. Having an awareness of how much people's bodies and minds can stand or incorporate in a setting and making appropriate time frames to help.  Caveat: Knowing that it's sometimes helpful to push past our own limits, becoming aware that some of our beliefs or ideas are created only inside the comfort of our current boundaries.
6. Having an awareness of what being in a social setting means to people and how it affects them differently. One type or style of being or personality doesn't get to rule everyone's time, space, or attention because "that's the way they are" or "that's their personality or enneagram number, etc".
7. Clarity and agreement on motivations. Becoming aware that some of our ideas or beliefs are based on facts or data while others are based on feelings, good or bad - taking the time to tease that all the way out.
8. Do not allow people to be looked down on or treated with contempt or lifted up with preference because of any reason - appearance, speed of "getting it" or not, past experiences, etc.
9. Regularly backtrack and ask, "Did any of that not make sense OR having had time to think about it, do you have any new questions or thoughts about it?".  Realize that everyone's understanding might be paced and spaced differently than yours.
10. Don't overthink alone. If you reflect later on what was discussed and you find yourself in a windup, not able to think clearly, but instead growing frustrated, angry, confused, etc - stop, write down your feelings and thoughts - make a record to return to later with your group.

And those are just some, once again.  

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I've watched over decades how people can be manipulated by someone through setting up the time and space they have in conversations in a way that gives the appearance of having had the time to contribute to a discussion but actually limits input and allows only certain kinds to be heard and creates artificial deadlines that box people into predetermined outcomes.

All you need is enough connected people to gain the trust of all the right decision makers, the ability to control the appearance of and the flow of information, and the need to make a certain kind of time-sensitive decision that will satisfy pre-determined outcomes.  

Manipulation is easier than you think. And it's super easy if you can dress it up in humble, religious language that makes your personal agenda look like it's from God and from God-led consensus "of the people".  Sometimes history makes perfect sense, looking back with an awareness of how people work.

That kind of weak stuff really needs to stop happening if we want to "be the church".

I don't want to sell anyone anything. I want to know what they believe about God, where they stand with him, and what that means for their life.

I've discovered that most people don't drill down very deeply in their own life because churches don't want them to - it takes too much time and resource away from feeding the beast of growing or maintaining an energetic and/or friendly church.

And I've discovered that, given the opportunity, some people can "go deep" in their own understanding and walk with God - deeper than they imagined was possible, deeper than they knew deep existed - usually because churches, in the larger sense, aren't equipped for anything other than dog paddling around in the shallow ends of things.

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So, that's where we'll move to next.  An unpacking of kinds conversation topics that the above kinds of processes can be worked through for greater clarity.

And after getting better clarity, we'll unpack what can happen with that - either working together from common ground, finding a way forward in disagreement, or parting ways and moving on without a sense of having given up or written people off.

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Here are some of the general topics we'll move toward/through:

1. Why do you think you have to go to church?
2. What is church?
3. What is worship?  What does God expect?  Where did I learn that?
4. What has God already done?  What, if anything remains to be done?
5. What is the relationship between sin, the law, God, and us?
6. What is sin?  How did you learn that those things are sin?  Who decides that?
7. Why is it important for churches/leaders to constantly leave people feeling like they're likely falling behind and/or in need to regular reminders of how much they could be in trouble with God?
8. What is a leader?  What is a preacher?  What roles or gifts did God actually provide in his people?
9. Why do you think you need to give money to church or give to God?  
10. What or who is this Holy Spirit?  What role does that play in the life of a believer?