There's no business like church show business
I still meet with a group of guys once a week and we still host spiritual conversations in our home, less so now with the summer schedule and traveling, but still we make it a point to be with people. We keep in touch with people via text and time over coffee or lunch. And that's all working out pretty good so far.
Yes, we still know God, probably "better" than before since our time with him is constant and isn't centered on a regular awkward social dance with people, but is actually with him directly. While it has been and still is an adjustment in thinking and being, it's been good.
The change in schedule from a Sunday AM habit to an actual constant interaction is probably the biggest thing - not that a constant interaction wasn't there before, but now it is THE thing in life and not just the identity shift from being a minister to being a "regular guy".
Looking back so far, it is as some have said, much more of a grieving adjustment, not just a job change. You don't move from something that you did and someone you were for most of your life to a different place without impact, kind of like a divorce or other significant life change. And that's true.
As mentioned much earlier, after leaving years of grad school and sixteen years of part-time and adjunct teaching at a local university, I now think I felt a solid 2-3 year transition period before I didn't have that sense of "I need to drive 25 minutes to teach 2-3 classes, interact with faculty, grade student work, read, etc". Not working at a church full-time has been that on steroids.
And yet, I wouldn't "go back" for anything. The cognitive dissonance, looking back, was about to kill me. The new path is still an adjustment, an actual journey, and not a comfortable shoe, as it were, and so there's a new way of living all together, but I don't feel a slavery to being part of a system where you can't speak the truth about God without fear of rocking the boat of tradition.
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One thing I have noticed when I allow myself to watch or listen to worship services of any kind, is how they are a production designed for an audience - a show put together for everyone to go through and, in some cases, enjoy, but as often than not, to be maintained and manipulated.
As a former insider, I know that isn't always at the forefront of the minds of everyone who is a full time staff person, but it is practically speaking, even if it's not from a motivational standpoint. Otherwise, what's the point of getting together?
Many church groups don't actually do 1 Cor. 14 kinds of things with their gathering times where everyone contributes, so you have to do something when you gather. So most do a kind of show and hope that those who are newer or "searching" will get hooked and stay on and maybe even submit to their circle.
I'm still around enough formal groups, that I still see people "in the crowd" who actually do 1 Cor. 14 kinds things when gathered with other believers, even if it's not part of the worship service order of events - it's just who they are and they float alongside and around and follow the Spirit, not the program. And that is very refreshing.
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Another thing about the "show business" aspect of churches and church worship services is the role that pastors or preachers play. I'm even more genuinely astounded by the interaction that people have with "them" than I was before.
I listened to a radio "church" show/some religious radio programming last night while on a walk and was astounded by the alien nature of it and how "the professionals" were so, err...professional.
Now I realize a little more clearly it's not just about some kind of unbiblical spiritual hierarchy that people follow, it's just a part of our culture and how some people bow down to or fawn over those roles they've been taught and/or have learned to bow to or fawn over, like they're something special and are something you are supposed to honor in a special way.
I notice that some in ministry really eat that up! Just like with any other profession or role in life, a lot of people in ministry revel in the role and its perks - it's automated higher social status that some give it, the extra attention you get with it, and so on.
Don't get me wrong, after 35+ years in the game, there is a massive price you and your family will pay for being in that role, but there is also, for many, a trade off that, in theory, pays off after a while - after you've "paid your dues" and are "in" with the religious scene and have established enough connections and security.
I see way more people in the industry who are getting to the end of their useful life as a minister and are moving on into other things in life - realizing that the promises they heard or felt early in their career were predicated on you drinking a Kool-aid that you were supposed to have developed a taste for, not become revolted by.
As I listen to and occasionally watch a variety of religious professionals "out there" now, in light of this new journey I'm on, here's what I feel/want to say as I listen to and/or watch them "perform" and interact with their crowds (from my trusty Notes App):
1. Quit making you the point. There's a point at which some of you have used your unique personality or approach to get attention and some of you have crossed the line and made it a huge part of your message and it is not helping get the message of Jesus out there - it's just about you. Don't get so tied to an idiom, get tied to Jesus and let him help you find an appropriate place to stand that isn't always in the spotlight.
2. "What an amazing God" versus "What an amazing/great sermon." Work at knowing the difference and having the former as your goal. Imagine having an impact on someone's heart where they leave your presentation or service and all they can think about is God and that you don't cross their minds at all after that. Imagine gathering with other believers and NOT being the center of attention or on stage because God is using others to reach people or to grow people - and you're actually happy about it and not wondering when you can start a song or speak.
3. Quit trying to be someone who impresses others with the religious social network you're part of or with your knowledge bank or with anything like that. The number of religious professionals who don't see how weird it is that they're all fan-boys of each other and/or of popular preachers/grad-school profs, etc - it is astounding. And, it's like some would give their right arm to be admired and/or talked about or thought of like their "heroes". There's something that is just super jacked up about that.
4. Realize that your role, biblically speaking, isn't "in the Bible" - that your professional and social status is artificially created by religious culture that's grown over time - you are a religious entrepreneur selling church memberships and curating religious things for people to pay attention to. The task of evangelist or shepherd in scripture was not what it is today - nothing wrong with that, but it is something that you really ought to remember. Why? Because if you weren't in the paid role you're in now and had to find work and share Jesus from any other capacity, many of you would struggle with how to begin because you don't know how to connect with people who aren't already teed up to listen to you as a religious professional.
5. Religious name dropping. Some of you don't realize that some of the people, language, and ideas you refer to in your stories, sermons, or "riffing" between songs, are things that your audiences have little clue about and don't care about. Just say your thing and don't worry about impressing someone who's read a book or two. No one cares except fellow grad-school graduates and the occasional church member who reads a little more. Your virtue signaling is actually alienating the average Joe out there and at times I can't help but think that's what you're trying to do - to make yourself look bigger and brighter - but you're actually just creating distance. And any actual outsider/non-believer will likely have zero to do with you.
6. Closet leftists or closet conservatives? I'll just say it, many church members think their religious leaders are "like them" religiously speaking AND politically speaking, but they're not. As time goes by, more and more are closet leftists and will work diligently to appear to be "middle of the road" so as not to offend their slightly more conservative memberships. It's not always the case and I have no problem with people being conservative or liberal - it's a useless continuum - but plenty of church members would often be surprised to know where their pastors are coming from. Sure, some are very open about things, but often they're just hoping you don't find out what they are so you don't see the connection between what they're preaching or teaching and what they believe.
7. You all look alike. For real, just look at a group photo from your last convention or whatever you attend with fellow religious leaders. Sure, you're attempting to be inclusive of people who aren't your skin color or gender, but it ain't happening. Cookie-cutter same - voice, dress, messaging, social circles, you name it - same. And that is probably helpful because most of you are trying to attract already-churched people who make money - you're working to bait more people who look a certain way and have a socioeconomic status that will benefit your church. Just know that is what you're doing. And know that's why most of you aren't evangelists in the true sense of the word - most of you are in church sales.
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Ever been sick and finally got to throw up a few times and, oddly enough, began to feel better after a bit? But you had to do the throwing up thing before you could get there - even if you hate throwing up, you know sometimes it's the thing that has to be done.
Yeah, that's kind of where I am in the journey. And it's starting to feel better. Getting all that which has been poison to me up and out has been helpful, even if it's been unpleasant - I know and can feel the healing has begun at a deeper level.
I think I'm getting close to cleaning out my Notes App list of things I've stored up from earlier in the deconstruction process. I'm keeping a new set of files that contains some updated and edited versions of all that for later processing, but it's nice to clean out so much junk.
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Some good books that I've read/re-read that have helped me along the way recently include:
"Pagan Christianity" by Frank Viola and George Barna
"So you don't want to go to church anymore?" by Wayne Jacobsen and Dave Coleman
"My effin' life", by Geddy Lee
"Lonely hearts of the cosmos" by Dennis Overbye
"Paul among the people" by Sarah Ruden
"Hinds feet on high places" by Hannah Hurnard
A couple of podcasts I listen to regularly that come at things from the POV I have:
Living God Ministries with Aaron Budgeon - Radio Broadcasts
Walk Talks with Matt McMillan
And the occasional Bible Project or This American Life podcast and, more often than not, things that people have sent me to listen to or watch - quite the variety!
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Have an excellent week! You'll be fine.
Grace and peace.
16/25
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