Life after "church" & in the new thing...

One of the surprising things about deconstruction and rebuilding has been the impact of what you know, mentally, actually hitting your soul square in the face for the first time.

We know a lot of things to be true cognitively - like educationally or what we learn in school or what we memorize for a grade. When those things "hit home" at a deeper level, it is an emotional revelation.

You simply don't know until you know and feel in ways that are bigger. 

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I remember the first time my youngest child had a soda. He wanted to try a Sprite with his meal instead of juice or milk, etc. It wasn't a moment I was expecting to be "a moment".

He sipped the cold Sprite and immediately paused, closed his eyes, and audibly, in a whispery voice said, "Aaaaaahhh" for a long time, with a very pleased look on his face.

He repeated this several times during the meal, almost as if he couldn't believe it was real the first time.

Some things like that for me in this process have been:

Grace - it's SO much bigger than I ever thought. I wonder at times what other people believe or "know" about grace at times. It was always something you had to "earn" or live in such a way as to deserve it. Now I see it SO differently. It is truly a free gift and no amount of living in any way will earn it for you.

Peace - it's SO squishy. For some people it is based on needs being met or fear of losing certainty about their circumstances. I think I realize now that there IS something important about needs being met BUT that it's also a choice to trust in God in a way that "church" never taught me.

Worship - it's NOT "church". It was "going to church", growing up. Or maybe doing something good like a service project. Worship is now openly acknowledging who God is and what he's done, what he's about, etc. Sure, it can include singing and stuff, but that doesn't begin to touch it. 

Prayer - it's pretty raw. There used to be multiple language and formality layers that protected me from God when I talked to him. Now it's just right out there. It's talking with someone and being honest, knowing there's no way to hide anyway.

Scripture - it's made to be overly complicated. Growing up, the Old and New Covenants were smashed together and everyone was free-styling their interpretations/teachings, keeping everyone in religious lines and using it to control. Now it's a living, breathing history that comes before me and wraps around all.

Any and all those things and many more are now a drink of cold Sprite for the first time.

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And it's all reflective of process. It's the natural and intended movement from one stage to another. 

I think a lot of people get to a place where they outgrow the ability of those who God used to get them to a certain place - they can't take you any farther and you have to decide what you'll do next.

Not many people are ready for those kinds of conversations in most places.  And that's okay.  

If I'm open to God's Spirit, he'll show me/us what's next and we won't be waiting around for some leaders or mouth pieces to tell us what the next best place or path is to pursue. That was never the intention.

The Law of the Lid - "if there's a bottleneck, it's usually at the top". Too many people allow someone who is a religious leader to be their lid - their highest place to reach for info/direction.  Those leaders need to be pointing past themselves and helping people to walk with God, not wait for them.

But you don't know that until you get to that place.  

And you have to be careful that you don't judge others for not being you or for not having been through what you've been through. 

BUT, you can't allow naysayers who haven't stepped out yet (and that may never step out) to convince you to be quiet or stay in place because they're afraid for themselves or you.

Believers are called to live in community with other believers, but often lock themselves into some weird kind of "red rover, red rover" game where everyone needs to act in lock step down to an uncomfortable granular level of groupthink and behavior.

Helping believers grow individually in or adjacent to community without letting "community" be the thing that quenches the Spirit - that's a huge task.

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The freedom that comes from knowing that process is HUGE. 

Taking some of those process/community shackles off brings a powerful freedom...

...especially when you realize that some things you've hugged like a pillow and fought to keep for a long time are actually chains keeping you in place of non-growth or even death.

I pray that anyone working through this kind of process knows that there is that cold drink of Sprite out there and it may surprise you in ways hard to imagine.

Drink deeply when it happens. Those times carry you a long way.

Peace and goodwill.