Leaving a community that was already leaving (TL;DR)

A lot goes into decisions to move on and make a change. Leaving a friend group. Leaving a relationship or marriage. Leaving a church. Leaving a tradition.

I've said this in pieces over the last few months, but it's coming together more clearly with each passing week - the leaving behind was more of a leaving something that was already leaving or had left.

Some suggested to me that I was leaving a ship that was sinking and I get that, but I don't think it was a ship that was sinking so much as one that was changing directions and getting very focused in the development of a certain quality that I'd begun to move away from some years earlier.

Denial is a powerful thing.  It can make you hold on to something with the hope that what you want to be true will be true.  It can make you ignore the things you see with your own eyes.

Someone told me that my "new understanding" of God, the gospel, etc would be something that would be a thorn in my flesh as long as I was still working with a church that had a different view - that I would continue looking for ways to make it fit, but eventually would come to face reality - it won't and didn't.

Socially, theologically, and in other ways, the community that I was part of for a long time was becoming something different at the same time I was becoming something different.

__________

It's been an interesting thing to listen to and talk with different people over the past year+ and see how everyone or anyone I still have connection with interprets the past.

For the most part, almost no one/very few I used to feel an affinity with reached out. That probably stung more than I cared to admit.

A social media friend wisely pointed out that when I left, I lost what I thought were long time friends while they simply lost a staff member who was replaced fairly soon.  

Your role in people's lives isn't seen in the same way by them.  Their void was temporary and filled with a replacement - everyone moves on. My void was foundational and had to be/has to be replaced and rebuilt.

I was a functional good that had a shelf life. 

People in "full time ministry" often are functional goods - they're good as long as those who have critical mass in leadership still value their contribution more than they value their cost.

I'm sometimes taken back by the number of people I went to school with for ministry who are now out - not just out of ministry, but out completely - burned and done.

It's fascinating to me to watch people who have a voice in my tribe of origin talk about the small number of people who are going into full time ministry/the pastorate and seem to have zero awareness that how they interacted those people has some causation as to why fewer of the new generations are attracted to it.

Every few months I'll hear it again from another person or pocket of people - as groups begin to catch on to what's going on that has already happened in other places.

As time passes, "successful churches" will be more selective in who they hire to speak for them, smaller groups will have fewer and "less quality" people available, the bigger churches will get bigger, the smaller will get smaller, etc - and it will happen in waves over time.

And it's all normal in the sociological processes of religious groups - it's just when you watch it up close and personal, it's a tough view.

__________

Some of the other things I heard that really stuck out to me were along the lines of "I don't really care what's going on 'at church' or who is saying what as long as it's not embarrassing me if I bring friends - I'm all about the people and my family's experience and that's it.  Sure, I get some God stuff in there when I need it, but that's all really more of a personal thing - I don't believe half the stuff that is said or taught, so it's not that important to me - just don't mess with my experience."

That was one of those things I could and did sense growing in the past five years and it was hard. On one hand, you have a lot of people that were simply leaving for reasons previously referred to, and then with those who weren't leaving, there was the sense or feeling that the common ground that remained was mainly social and not a lot of solid common ground about God, the good news of Jesus, etc.

And the social wasn't "bad" per se.  But the social that was holding things together was bound together in a way that felt like the most important thing was to continue a certain social quality above all else - a higher version of "don't mess with my experience".

And that's not a bad commentary on those people.  We ALL have that as a shadow goal, whether or not we can acknowledge it. It wasn't a rejection of all the individuals, but instead a steering away from a certain kind of social quality that many produced when working together.

Again, not a bad comment about all the people. A lot of good things happen in and among that crowd. A lot of good people are likely thriving there like they are in a lot of places I'd be reluctant to part of.  It was just not for me.

__________

Stepping into new rooms and new groups has been a thing - it's been a time when I felt a little pressure to grow another group of people and look for ways to make it succeed.

But then I got the strong sense from God to "hold up on that" - "just spend a lot of time reflecting and growing".  

And just when I think "it's been long enough, let's get going", he came back again and said, "no, just relax - in fact, why are you assuming you need to do anything besides relax in me?"

So that's been a thing - to be in rooms and with groups of people where He gets to drive the boat and I just watch. 

A lot of things are said and done at times that I want to correct or raise an eyebrow about - things that are off the charts wrong from a basic point of view - and it's like God says, "just listen and watch - give some of this some time - let your quick reaction to what is going on shape how you see you too".

"Watch and be with people who are off base and work with them as you have been worked with over time. See how far back you had to go to begin to see some basic things you now take for granted."

That has probably smashed a lot of my assumptions more than I imagined.  I can now, a little more than before, see and hear how "churchy things" that were once very comfortable to me and "obviously right" are terrible and not good news to people who didn't grow up like me, in my social circles.

Sure, I 100% still believe in objective truth and in the good news of God through Jesus, but so many of the layers of social filters that "church" laid over it are a LOT to work through for "the outsiders" that many church people want to "reach for Jesus".  

I'd say a lot of people want to reach outsiders for their version of Jesus - but it's 100% often primarily reaching outsiders for their social group or for things that will make their social group feel good about themselves.

It reminds of that time back in the late-80's/early-90's when I realized that being a good American and being a "good Christian" were potentially different things with different goals.

That probably sounds insane to some people, but when you are really inside a group, you don't know what it's like be on the outside looking in.

That's what it feels like right now - God saying "let's spend some time, maybe a lot more time, unpacking more of what you've assumed for a long time" - and that's fine with me.

__________

So next steps are whatever God wants to show me.  In the meanwhile, I'll not concern myself with trying to do something for God. He does what he wants in and through me and that's okay for now.  

It's kind of like that time when Peter, James, and John were all on what we call the mount of Transfiguration and Jesus was suddenly lit up like the sun and was seen talking with the heroes of their faith - right in front of them!

Peter was super jazzed and said "This is awesome!  Let us make a tent or a place here for each of these guys!  Let's honor them right now!"  And God spoke up and said, "This is my son - listen to him". And when they looked again, it was just Jesus standing there.

We can get super jazzed about spiritual things and feel the need to do something so that the people around see that we're serious about these spiritual things - and God wants us to stop some of that nonsense and quit making it about us and what we're going to do.

__________

That's all for now.  Trying to do a couple of posts a month to keep some things coming for later writings.

Peace and goodwill to you all.