Criticizing Jesus' wife
Usually the push back included the assumption that any kind of criticism of "church" is a criticism of their specific church and that people ought not to say anything that would cause anyone to think negatively in any way about "church"; only positive things are allowed.
When specific instances of why someone would offer critique of something happening "in a church" or about the faith group they were from, the response is usually something like...
"Well, the church is full of imperfect people. Of course they make mistakes. You can't expect perfection. Being part of a church assumes you'll put up with pain, doubts, disagreements, etc. God expects you do stick it out and honor him by ignoring things and not bringing up problems. How dare you talk bad about Jesus' bride?!".
As a "former insider", at least in some people's view, I get it.
There's a lot of fear that these people who are questioning things are going to mess it up for others.
Often it's parents or grandparents or friends whose loved one has stopped going to church at some point and they have either worked really hard to get them "back in church" or are currently doing so.
People who have stepped back from regular church participation and have gone to the next level of questioning it or maybe even criticizing parts of it are seen as dangerous, especially if they've had a relationship with one of the aforementioned loved ones who "went astray".
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Even though the apostle Paul was the person who gave us the popular idea of the church as Jesus' bride, he and other New Testament writers had some strong things to say to early believers about how they interacted with each other. Each local group or collections of groups had their own specific issues or challenges and were called to do better.
Some had issues with being divided over their favorite teacher or teaching style. Some were trying to bring in parts of their former religious belief system and impose it on the believers. Some were trying to bring in pagan beliefs and other popular philosophies to get the believers to mix it all together.
Some were just doing whatever they wanted to do and were living lives of pleasing their flesh - sex, money, power, and more - and were actually using the group and its meetings as a way to get more of those things. And more - that's just a short list.
Paul and other writers didn't sweep critiques or problems under the rug for fear of making the church look bad or running people off. That's usually a modern problem that people fear today - looking bad in front of others and having to experience the discomfort of someone not "going along to get along".
We as believers add a layer of fear, guilt, or shame to anyone who offers a criticism of anything having to do with faith or church, etc. We'll say that you're insulting Jesus or God and pretty much say that you're probably on the verge of going to Hell for openly having an issue.
Paul and others did not hold back. They were full of grace and mercy 100%, but they also addressed issues in the same context, in the same letter.
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There's a conundrum.
How do "we" as believers today deal with issues that exist "in the church" without making the church "look bad"?
You can't have it both ways.
You can't be public in your invitation to church and talk about how great it is and completely avoid public questions and critiques about "church".
Doing it like that is the very thing that has caused and continues to cause many to "deconstruct".
Refusing to make time to discuss or answer questions or critiques is what keeps many away and usually causes those who have never heard the good news to think even less of "church" or God, etc.
Giving "pat answers" to complex problems or questions is even worse.
And those "loved ones" we've worked so hard to "get back into church" are very possibly "going back to church" to make their fearful loved ones happy and aren't necessarily "bought in" to belief about God, the gospel, etc.
And that usually means a day is coming in the future when "the fearful" aren't around and the motivation for their loved ones to "stay in church" could go away.
It is tough.
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It seems like we're at a time in history when believers are being called on to think through what they believe beyond simply being part of a church.
I don't think it's going to be easy. Lots of culture is pushing against it and pushing back hard.
Short of a massive natural disaster, world war, or real pandemic that causes actual large scale losses and a shocking realization that "we've all got to pull together", the culture as a whole is more splintered than it has been in recent, known, shared history and is likely going to continue down that path. (It's been splintered even more before, but we just didn't know it at the time.)
Because of that, churches and believers really do need to actually process what they believe, what people "out there" are pushing back against, and what they want to "stand for".
Lots of people believe "the church" is the most important thing and that protecting it is vital.
Those who believe that also see how family, community groups, and other "things" keep social cohesion healthy and keep the country (the USA) strong and similar to what they remember growing up.
Church and country are thus tied together. And when that happens, politics comes into play, as well as the different social movements that are critical of anything conservative, etc.
It all gets tied together and the "sides" that are against each other are solidified and, practically speaking, it's "Ford vs Chevy" or the Hatfields and McCoys, with no one listening or trying to understand each other.
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The hard battlefield ahead that is most painful is relationships.
As newer generations come into adulthood, they have more relationships with both "sides" and will do what they can to keep them all.
But those relationships are likely going to be strained even more as politics and economics and other things that are complicated and difficult to talk about become more polarized and discussed in either/or or black and white options - people will be forced to choose.
Churches, especially those who have had the mindset of "a growing church is a healthy church", will capitalize on the ideological battle in culture to build their numbers.
Ideologically driven people who have problems with "the church" will see it as the enemy and work to shame it, divide it, and tear it down.
And the vast majority of non-church people just don't care. They aren't atheists or morally corrupt people, they just don't have "church" on their radar because in its current form in their culture, it is irrelevant to their daily life.
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My deconstruction and subsequent rebuilding is/was less to do with many of those ideological issues that divide our culture and much more to do with theological and practical issues.
One of those issues was and is how many in "the church" don't see any of the above - at all.
We seem to create generation after generation of people whose main thing is to keep "the church" going without any depth of understanding of the gospel, what the church's relationship with the gospel is to be, and how we as people who have been redeemed by Jesus are to relate to the world we are in.
And we keep on cranking out leaders whose main goal seems to be to keep it all going, regardless of whether or not they are leading their fellow sheep to be part of the Kingdom of God in this world.
It's almost as if their assumption is that the church as they know and experience it IS the Kingdom of God in this world.
But it is more than that.
Surprisingly, when people "out there" hear the gospel, they're intrigued by it.
It seems to stand above all the politics, economics, and other divisive things.
People seem genuinely interested in a God who has done what he did in Jesus for humanity and all creation.
That's good news to them. For many of them, "church" as it is thought about and experienced in the larger culture today, seems disconnected from that entirely.
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Anyway, just putting some notes down for later...
Peace and goodwill.
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