The Story

One of the fascinating things I learned many years ago was learning how people and groups process and work through life through the really big story they learn and live out.

Even if you don't know it, you're living inside of a narrative or story that you heard growing up and have modified over time to fit with the experiences you've had.

The big life story I heard or saw growing up was that you finish school at some point, go to work in a job or career, get married and have kids at some point, raise those kids till they move out to start their own life, and then work till you retire, and then spend a few years doing a few things you enjoy before you die and go to heaven to be with God and everyone who went before you.

That was the background story for most all of life for me.  

Still is to some degree - though it's been modified heavily over time - it's still the shadow that's cast over the way life is assumed to unfold.

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I heard variations of it over time including a female version where you marry your Prince Charming, have kids, grow old together, etc.

And there were other variations based on jobs, education, family, and other things that could have options.

If someone's life was cut short because of illness or accident, it was mourned as a life that ended too soon and didn't get to do all the things that most people do who live out the story.

If something happened where a person was in jail or had some other very different turn in their life, it too was discussed against the backdrop of those who live out the "normal" story.

And all of this is in the context of living in the South in the United States of America.

People growing up in other parts of the world or even in other parts of the country I live in have their own big picture story or stories that are shaped by different forces and dynamics.

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As time goes by and culture changes in the US/Western World, there are a lot of things that have changed that also changed the story for newer generations.

Don't get me wrong, some people live economically and socially protected enough lives that they're likely still able to live out the story I was raised with, but it's becoming less the same story with every few years that pass.

The assumptions I heard growing up were things like "You can be anything you want to be!" and "Just get a good education and you'll go far." or "Hard work and clean living will pay off all the time." 

There were a lot of things like that said either verbally or maybe seen in movies, TV shows, etc.

Now of days, people are a bit more practical and pragmatic.  Things don't seem to cost the same as they used to.  Everything feels more expensive and in some cases IS, even with adjusting for inflation.

Even if you explain that houses used to be a LOT smaller and people owned a lot less and were satisfied with less than people feel they "need" today, it still rings hollow.

Many 30's and 40's feel like they were set up to continue the "onward and upward" trend their parents had experienced and it just hasn't happened for so many OR it seems so much harder to "get there" comparatively.

Even IF things were similar in terms of costs and opportunities, some of those "old" goals that came with that big story have lost their luster for many.

Not everyone is interested in getting married or even dating.  That whole scene seems to be dismantled for many people.  There's a lot of social awkwardness and distancing that didn't seem to exist before.

The "shine" that came from certain jobs or occupations has shifted and just because something might have been prestigious two or three decades ago doesn't mean it has the same "shine" now.

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When I talk with people who are from the upper limits of "lower income" and the bottom limits of "middle income", there's still the desire and hope that "one day, it will happen" and they'll be able to move up.

When I talk with people who are from the middle part of the middle class, there's a good bit more cynicism and skepticism about what is possible.

It's no wonder so many young people flock to those revolutionary ideas about socialism and related POV's.  They may not know or understand the history of socialism or Communism and the death and awfulness of it, but because of their relative experiences, anything that could possibly bring relief or maybe harshly bring down those who they feel are the cause of their suffering...they're all for something to change the playing field in hopes they can possibly get a leg up.

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So, without belaboring the point - we all live in a larger story that we may or may not have articulated to ourselves or others.  It's probably very beneficial to spend some time thinking through what story it is that you grew up with and whether or not you think it's good or valid.

And to do so without the pressure of social media or friends who you might want to impress for the moment.

At some point, a price has to be paid. 

In our culture today, we often want to pass the price to be paid onto the society or culture at large - government, large institutions, hedge funds and things we don't know about but assume are probably there, etc.

But the price is usually paid at the personal level.  

Most people who benefit from things you don't know about, don't want you to know or think about that.

They'd prefer you continue to think you are trying to "stick it to the man" so they can eventually benefit in ways you don't know about.

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I could go on, but for now...some things to consider:

What's the big story you grew up in and continue to live out?

Who do you let tell you what to think?  You might not believe you do, but you do.

WHY do you let them tell you what to think and what questions to ask?

What happened to you to make you want to listen to them?  

It is possible that you might need to take a few steps back and think it ALL through?

Are you aware of enough of both "sides" of anything to understand how someone might use or manipulate you?  

Can you articulate the "other side" of any argument well enough to know what "they" are thinking and why?

When you know the answers to those questions, it's the beginning of some serious self discovery.

It's at that point that you can make some informed decisions about where and how to focus yourself - regardless of where you "land".

It's also at that point that many people see "the machine" or "the beast" for the first time in their lives and realize more than they imagined before.

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IF you do some of that, let me know how it goes/went.

Peace and goodwill.